The Juice Cleanse: My Life’s Biggest Obstacle

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Yesterday during yet another phone interview, I was asked the classic question: what is the biggest obstacle you have overcome? I said the cookie cutter answer of working on a difficult team for a class presentation (blah blah blah please hire me). But in all honesty, the hardest obstacle I have ever overcome is completing a juice cleanse.

I have attempted several different types of juice cleanses before but have failed at all of them. By far the worst of all of them is the Master Cleanse. This cleanse is the reason that everyone women worships Beyonce. She is one of the few and proud who have actually completed all ten days of the Master Cleanse. For those unaware the Master Cleanse is a mix of water, fresh lemon juice, maple syrup, and cayenne pepper.

I decided to do this cleanse as part of New Years Resolution. I got all the ingredients, including twenty lemons and a large pitcher, and I had prepared my mind and body to not eat for ten days. The first day I drank a glass of the mixture every time I started to feel the hunger pains. It wasn’t that bad and I actually thought that I could make it the whole ten days.

I made it one day. Woke up the next morning and got a meatball sub at 10:30 am. I regret nothing.

Besides the dreadful Master Cleanse I have also attempted other, more substantial juice cleanses. But they also follow the same pattern. The night before I eat a cheeseburger, cheese fries, and a chocolate milkshake. Depending on how much real food is allowed in the cleanse restrictions I make it 1-3 days. Then again I eat a cheeseburger and cheese fries but this time I pass on anything made in a blender.

I usually decide it’s a good idea to do a juice cleanse anytime before I have to be a in a swimsuit. So with Memorial Day approaching I decided to fork over a lot of money and buy a preplanned juice cleanse program that my friend and Elle magazine recommended.

Maybe it was because I spent more money that I had on previous cleanses and my cheap ass wanted to fit back in my jeans. Or maybe it was because I instagramed the juice bottle, it had a very hipster logo, and now all my followers would now if I cheated. But for the first time I finally overcame the hunger pains, followed the exact direction and completed the juice cleanse. Yeah sure at the end I was exhausted and I felt like throwing up and eating a whole loaf of bread at the same time, but my favorite jeans no longer cut off my circulation. I was so happy to have completed the cleanse that I went out and got a celebratory cheeseburger.

You are suppose to eat healthy after the cleanse but all I did was start to drink almond milk. Thus I gained back the weight a week later. Now, though, I can recommend this cleanse to everyone and say that I actually finished it.

Even though I told the HR rep that working with a tough group for a final presentation is the hardest obstacle I’ve overcome in reality the feeling of drinking that last juice and completing the cleanse was so much better than presenting a PowerPoint with a group of people that could never agree. The next time I am just going to answer truthfully and hope that the HR rep is a fellow white girl trying to lose that last five pounds. TC mark

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