You Never Deserved Me

image - Flickr / Joe Penniston
image – Flickr / Joe Penniston

After months of dreaming about what it would be like to be yours, I’m left with the answer. It’s nothing.

My attraction to you was all but subtle, you knew I wanted you. I knew you wanted me. But you were my boss, after-all. So instead of acting on our impulses, we let the sexual tension build up until we couldn’t handle it any longer.

That first time in your bedroom I took everything in. I thought to myself “‘l wont be a stranger to this room.” Your twin sized bed, so juvenile but so inviting. The way you’d try to get my attention when I wasn’t making the first move- I remember it all so vividly. I remember our first kiss. After months of waiting there we were, in your bed. It was a soft, passionate kiss. I pulled away saying that was stupid of us but we both went back for more. Somehow I ended up on top of you, while you took my clothes off. I told myself I wouldn’t give my body away to you like that, all at once. But somehow I gave you everything. When I went to put my clothes on you stopped me, pulled me back into bed and we went for round two.

I left your house feeling like it was a dream. Thinking about how amazing everything was, believing we weren’t finished. I felt full inside, complete; Like I was yours. So how is it that now I’m empty? You took everything.

I gave you my body but you took everything else- my heart, my lust, my joy, my tears, my happiness. You took it all.

Most importantly, you took my mind and I want it back.

I can’t so much as look at anything without thinking about us. You’ve turned me into an overanalyzing monster. And when I’m ready to let go of the idea of us being together once again, you find a way to get back in my head.

How could you be so selfish? You danced on my heart until you felt it crush beneath your feet. and then you returned it back to me with that beautiful smile of yours. Wanting to hate you as much as i could, I always found myself letting you back in without punishment.

You got what you wanted and I have nothing… except the fear that I’m carrying your love child. TC mark

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