Never trust anyone named Hunter or Gunner.
Teeth are a money making opportunity; pull them out.
You are never too young to get fat.
Lemon dish soap is NOT a substitute for deodorant. It will make your armpits sticky and yellow.
You might think its funny to push your friends face into the drinking fountain…but they won’t.
If your teacher offers you half an egg salad sandwich…eat it. Always.
It is a bad idea to do impersonations of your math teacher’s speech impediment to her face.
Don’t ever sing opera in the goat barn. Someone WILL hear you.
Always check the location of your thong before exiting the bathroom. It is possible that you pulled it up over your sweater.
Nair + eyebrows = ugly.
You can get fired from a job if you don’t act ‘mature’ enough. (Thanks, Subway.)
Black hair only works for some people.
Smoking cigarettes can and will get you grounded for a very long time.
Long Islanders are people too.
It is okay to lock your friend’s keys in their car. It is not okay to forget which car is theirs and instruct a cop to break into the wrong vehicle.
You can drive for an awfully long time on a flat tire.
You still don’t understand a THING about life.