An Open Letter To My Grieving Friend—This Is The Healing I Can Offer You

As a writer, you’d think I would have the words to make you feel better today. I wish I could magically string together a bunch of soothing words that would make the pain of this past year disappear. I wish I could write words that could hug you endlessly and tell you that everything will be alright. But I fall short. I’m not sure there’s anything that could ease an anniversary like this nor does an anniversary like this deserve a cheesy Pinterest quote about grief to help you mask the pain. So I’m sorry that I have no words for you.

What I do have is something else. I’ve given a lot of thought about grief and how to discover the silver linings from it. Often times I think finding a silver lining from a death almost feels selfish—like someone had to leave the earth for me to realize something about myself. I try to stop myself from looking at it that way though because everyone truly does come into our lives for a reason. We cross paths, create memories, and become a part of each other’s souls for a reason.

Yes their absence is forever a raw wound in our hearts, but the time we had with them shaped us. Just like the time we have without them now also shapes us.

Death has a funny way of making us live more. It’s as if we were blind all our lives and then suddenly we got glasses. Our senses are heightened, we’re more aware of our surroundings, and our minds process things a bit differently. In the valleys of grief, we somehow find a new respect for our lives. We find that time is precious and that the universe doesn’t owe us any moments beyond the one we live in at this very second.

We navigate through life with a stronger purpose—to live the life we all deserve.

The life they would want us to live.

I think as time progresses and we make our way through the stages of grief, we sometimes worry that we haven’t been sad long enough or that we don’t think of them as much as we used to. But the most beautiful part about losing someone is that they’re always with you. I know that’s just a thing people say, but I believe they are. Because as we put on those glasses and suddenly see life in a new form, we know that they’re the force behind our new vision. They are there in the back of our minds pushing us, inspiring us, igniting a fire in our soul to live life fiercely.

Their absence gives us a new found purpose in life. Maybe it’s to take more risks. Maybe it’s to stop procrastinating our dreams. Maybe it’s to open ourselves up to all of the possibilities that the world has to offer.

Whatever it is, they’re with us through it all. Or at least that’s what I’m choosing to hold on to when days like today roll around.

As the grief creeps over you today and all the days ahead, I hope you’ll choose to think this way too.