Why do you continually to love, he asks?
Because you never loved me.
It’s strange to think that sometimes I have so much capacity to love another human being. Often times I feel broken down, as if all the love I haven’t received should make me feel as if love doesn’t exist. But in contrary, it does the exact opposite. It’s not that I search for love, but I search for other people to love. I search for those who may have been treated poorly and give them the love they should have deserved from the person that once did not love them. I search for those to love who need the encouragement and strength, who need the motivation to pick up the pieces and carry on with life. I search for those to love who have never loved at all, in hopes that they will believe in love just as much as I do.
It is peculiar to me that each time love has lost the fight, it only makes me want to fight more. But has love lost the fight or have I lost? I have physically lost the people whose smiles I have woken up to, people whose electric skin used to brush up against mine, and mine against theirs. I have moved between your steps of the beat, in such great rhythm, in sync, in loving harmony. I have loved through the happiest of times and I have loved even greater in the worst of times. Everyone should feel at one point that they are worth fighting for.
And each time I have fought and lost, I am reminded that it is not only the person I loved whom I was fighting for – I was also fighting for myself. Although love seems like a self-less act, is it actually? Because at times, I am also fighting for my own love. My own acceptance. My own ways to pick up the pieces. Do I love more for myself or for others? I do not know. But I do know that love is a powerful tool. And if I can make someone feel like the world or I can make myself feel like I’m on top of the world, then don’t we both win?