Rejection Does Not Define Me

Rejection. It’s a simple word that can tear the better things out of us. What we want in life is to naturally fit in, to be wanted, to be loved. We’ve all faced rejection at some point in our life. I’m sure there has been numerous times where we were left standing in a puddle of remorse, rejected. And of course then there’s the one that swoons us. The one who we can’t seem to shake off. The one where we lose count of how many times we faced their rejection. No matter how much they hurt us, we’ll always accept their flaws and mistakes.

I’ve been rejected numerous times in my life. Almost all my boyfriends have dumped me, and I was there, left rejected. And then there was you. I lost count of how many times I faced rejection from you.

The first time was the break-up in bed because you didn’t want commitment. Well I wasn’t going to take no for an answer. So I became persistence, and I persuaded you to see the other side, the greater aspects of love, and therefore to ultimately take a chance on me. To take a chance on us.

The second time you rejected me unconsciously, a power hour and shots deep you told me, “This isn’t what you wanted.” Did I take this blunt hint? Of course not. My stubbornness got the best of me and I refused to be rejected.

Well, a year went by and rejection after rejection, I came back and I let it consume me. It consumed me to the point where everything and anything I saw reminded me of you. I let it define me and ultimately described myself as, “Never being good enough for you.” But each time I continually came back for that sliver of hope for clarity. Maybe one day, you would wake up and accept me and love me.

The last event of rejection took place, recently, in a bar. You told me I could never have your heart, and for some reason those words spoke louder than they have before. Two months ago if I had this conversation with you, I would cry or be furious with rage of frustration. But this time was different. See in that moment, I gained confidence from within myself. Confidence to keep my head up to understand the bigger issue here.

Maybe this confidence came from living by myself, away from you. Maybe it’s because I’m a little older, wiser, or just have had more time for reflection of what I want in life. Or maybe simply, it was the sweet taste of hard cider swimming its way down my throat. But in that moment it was like I finally came out from under the water and had my first gasp of air.

I realized I might always care about you. But I will never let you not loving me define me.
Because I know I’m surrounded by others that do love me and care about me. And at the end of the day, it only matters how I feel and how I let myself feel. And only I have control of those emotions. 

Life is too short to be hung up on the people who don’t appreciate you for you. Surround yourself with beautiful, kind hearts who are able to accept you for who you are. Sometimes you’ll get a bad egg, but it’s moments like these that help you truly appreciate what you have in life, and someone will come along and give you the greatest love of all – or like me, you’ll find it within yourself.

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