Read This If You’re Single And Want To Actually Be Happy About It

*WARNING: this article is about to motivate the shit out of you.*

We’re young. Maybe we’ve had something that was almost a relationship but didn’t turn out the way we wanted, maybe you went through a bad breakup and the only thing that is going to take you out of your misery is finding someone else to give you attention, or maybe you’re just simply lonely.

Say it with me one more time, WE’RE YOUNG. We are establishing our careers, trying to figure out what we want to do, and now we actually have to figure out a “hobby” that doesn’t include going out and binge drinking on the weekends. Yes, we think about the happy points in our lives of when we were in a relationship or something close to it and how it overall made ourselves a happier person, but ladies, I can’t say it more than your Aunt Carol at your annual family BBQ who is two chardonnays deep, “THESE ARE YOUR SELFISH YEARS.” Carol, thanks for being a god damn gem because…you bad bitch you, you speak the truth.

Think about the times you were unhappy in a relationship and you thought you probably needed to sooner or later check yourself into a psych ward for how crazy he was making you. Your friends couldn’t stand listening to you anymore and you thought negatively about everything. Shit, you couldn’t even stand yourself, you were mad at yourself for giving things a chance and letting your guard down. Do me a favor and take a step back and evaluate yourself. Think about what you know you could improve on, but more importantly think about what you appreciate the most about yourself. Right now, we have the freedom to go on dates with whomever we want. Think of it as try outs. Because god damnit we’re worth it. If he wants to make the team and even have a CHANCE of a seat on that bench, he sure as hell better practice hard for it.

I had an epiphany within the past 15 hours because of the awesome date I went on last night. Yes, you bet…these are my exact thoughts after this really good date. You know why? Because we don’t need to be settling for anything right now. What ever happened to keeping things cool and casual and not getting so emotionally invested? Why do we need to immediately put ourselves into this category? Now don’t get me wrong I definitely want to see this guy again, but this is supposed to be fun! I know it’s probably been awhile for you, but remember when you actually used to think “oh hey, this is actually fun”? Put yourself in the “fuck it” gear and gun that shit to 110mph.

I don’t give a wandering fuck if all of your friends are in relationships. Go join a co-ed kickball team (which I just did) and meet some new people. Any guy you meet who hears you signed up for this alone will have an instant boner, and if not a boner at least a half chub (sorry to be vulgar but deal with it.) I think independence could possibly be the most attractive thing to a guy, if not attractive, a definite motivator for them to work for it. Why do we taste test the delicious tomato basil soup we’re cooking up in the kitchen? LADIES THIS IS OUR TASTE-TEST, SEE IF YOU NEED TO ADD SOME MORE INGREDIENTS BEFORE YOU DISH OUT THE WHOLE SERVING.

You are the queen ant on the top of the fucking anthill. You call the shots. KNOW how worthy you are, KNOW how much power you have. You know that saying, “People only use 10% of their brains” ? I believe us women only use about 10% of our power. Open up those other doors ladies, and if all of them are locked, bust through them like Ice-T does in SVU. We are fucking masterminds. It’s 2015 bitches, and this is the start of a new era. The new era of scaring the literal shit out of all male human beings currently existing.

Love,
The Girl Struttin’ Her Shit On The Streets Of NYC Listening To “Freakum Dress” By Beyoncé