I’m facing reality. And as a single introverted male, I’ve come to accept certain things: the world is geared more towards an extrovert society, at least in the western world, and just about everywhere you go involves some sort of interaction or coming out of one’s mental cubby hole.
Nothing proves this more than the dating scene. It’s hard enough for guys to try and garner the attention and the attraction of a girl, with so many ways to go about it and so many ways to misread and misinterpret things. It’s nothing for an extroverted person to strike up a convo and throw some charm around. But if you’re an introvert that’s single and actually wanting to meet potential prospects, it can be all the more daunting, and awkward. I’m not getting any younger and the dating pool hasn’t been my most successful arena.
Here are some of the struggles of being an introverted guy in the dating world.
1. You’re still expected to initiate, even if you don’t want to.
So you see this really pretty girl throughout the week and apart from hi and bye, you’ve never really made legitimate conversation with her, which is an understood must in order to, you know, actually get to know her. The problem is, it’s not that you don’t want to talk to her, it’s just what it will require… small talk.
If there’s anything that makes me want to jump completely out of my skin and dive head first into a black hole, it’s small talk and light conversation. This requires putting on a facade of some sort of jovial spirit that you may not even possess, all for the purpose of gaining traction with a girl you may not even click with. Without having a prior relationship with a girl and no way to naturally build one, this is an area where I tread lightly.
2. Your desire to escape and be alone can seriously plague you.
Because social scenes can absolutely drain introverts of mental and social energy, our escape plans are usually more elaborate than the activity itself. Because of this, it makes it all the more difficult to actually engage with other people in the time allotted. Unless the conversation is truly intriguing and you’re with people that you’re socially compatible with, you’re most likely engulfed in your thoughts or counting down the minutes to when you can get the hell out of there and get back to the comfort of your dark crevice. This intolerance of outside humanity alone makes it that much harder to go out and be around potential love interests, not to mention you’d have to, again, actually want to engage with females.
3. Your circle is small and your friends select.
You’re considered an introvert for a reason. So chances are, you’ve got a TON of acquaintances but very few select friends. I’ve come to love this aspect about myself. In fact, I’m not sure if this would be considered such a downside. Your close knit circle of friends is actually exactly the way you would want to build a relationship. However, because of your tendency to be extremely selective about who you let into your personal circle, it presents issues with letting other people in and keeping them. Most people I meet just don’t interest me enough to want to continually see them on a regular basis. Sounds harsh, I know. It doesn’t mean I don’t like them. But that’s the reality of life and this isn’t a trait that’s just exclusive to introverts. The point is, if the prospective girl isn’t intriguing on a level deep enough as all your other really close friends, you’re not going to have much luck, and she’ll just remain in the same category as everyone else that is simply an acquaintance. I think we’ve all seen relationships that are just based on attraction…they don’t last.
4. You are your own worst enemy.
Lastly, and possibly the biggest issue that one must face under such conditions, is the war within. Out of all the reasons and, yes, even excuses for my singleness, the main issue is me. Introverts have an uncanny ability to live inside their minds and because of this, it is a constant battle between idealism and reality. The ideal relationship is right around the corner. The ideal girl is only a season of life away, whenever that is. The ideal time is when I’m this age or at this stage in life. But the reality is that in most cases, there is no right or wrong time. There is just us living in our own worlds and perceiving things the way we do. I’m willing to bet there are plenty of attractive, interesting girls out there that I could get to know and build things with. Though I have legit reasons to remain as is, there is also the mental block of “I’d rather be alone right now” and the “she’s not my type” syndrome.
BUT, in defense of all introverts everywhere, I can say, that if things click with a person, then they just click. And if you are still solo, it very well may be for a good reason. So buck up, Soldiers of Solitude! We, indeed, are an interesting and often times enigmatic bunch. But for as many introverted guys out there, there are an equal amount, if not more, of introvert girls that are waiting for us to grab them by the hand and join them in the quest of evading society alone… together.