Relationships are always messy. They are almost never a walk in the park. But even then, we still get ourselves into it because love is such a beautiful thing.
That is, until somebody gives up.
You and I were equally present in all the hard times in the beginning. I saw how tightly you held onto me. I saw how badly you wanted me to stay and keep up with all the problems. You taught me to be brave and to not get overwhelmed by situations because no matter what happened, we were in it together.
The years passed by. It became tougher and tougher but my grip became tighter as well.
But I missed noticing that through each problem, your grip was loosening up little by little.
I though we were still trying. I thought we were still making things work. I thought we were in this together.
But we weren’t.
You started counting the fights. You started making me feel that your love for me was only as good as the times I did not become clingy. You started to keep track of everything as if you were taking note of every single mistake, problem and challenge that we were facing. You were so concerned that the problems were piling up but you never stopped and asked how much I could still take. Or if I could still take it. Because I could… anything to do with you, I could take.
I made sure that every time you let go of your grip, I would hold onto you even tighter. I made sure that when something hurt, I would take it and make it go away. I made sure I could adjust to whatever is to come. I made sure you always felt that you are loved and needed. I made sure that you had me for keeping.
But you gave up.
The one thing I could never get myself to do, you did in a heartbeat.
I wish I could pass onto you how I look at all the good things that we’ve gone through – all the happy times, all our winning moments, all our cute little shenanigans – when I feel like I’m losing it. I realized nothing is going to ever compare to all the good. My love for you is stronger than anything. It is stronger than the dirtiest fights. It is stronger because it’s with you.
I really wish you’d tried harder. Because it’s pretty easy to do, especially when you cannot fathom losing the other person the way I couldn’t fathom losing you.