Ah, Instagram. Or, Insta. Or even #IG, if you will.
It’s the app we love to hate, and hate to love. The guilty pleasure of us all. Although I’m a huge fan of the app for many reasons, it’s now time to analyze how much that little beige camera with rainbow stripes has consumed our lives, in such a hilarious, admittedly obsessive way. Though it may not be openly talked about, I’m about to admit and share the silent etiquette that we all know and follow.
1. One photo per event/situation, maybe two. I don’t care how good that cake looks after you already uploaded a picture of you and your baby cousin. And we get you’re at a bar mitzvah- simply no need for a picture of the centerpiece, you and your mom, the giveaways, and the hora. (Ok I take it back, the hora always calls for an Instagram.) Those are for Facebook, you know the difference, don’t be juvenile.
2. #TBT. Throwback Thursday. THROWBACK. As in years ago. Sophomore year of college. When you had braces. Not last weekend when you were in Vegas. We know you killed it at Wet Republic and you look unreal in your bikini, but just because you missed out on Insta-ing last weekend, don’t do it now and use #tbt as an excuse.
3. It’s all about the 11th like. Now you can breathe easy.
4. Pictures of your city. I am guilty of it, but unless you’re taking an exceptionally amazing picture, like, enough is enough. #summertimechi #ilovemycity #NYC #chicago #skyline #highline #HAMPTONS #calidays #lalaland #rodeodrive #azlivin #stop
5. Let’s talk about how liking a picture is now a form of communication. “Have you talked to ____ recently?” “No… but he liked my insta yesterday.” “Uch, that’s annoying.” “I know.” WHAT? So the answer is No. No, you have not talked to him.
6. Selfies. It’s cool, I guess. Sometimes. Don’t do it if you think you look pretty or hot. Do it if the scenery is awesome, or something funny is going on, or if you just want to capture the moment. Not when I can see the reflection in your sunglasses and you’re just sitting outside alone. Oh, and don’t compensate for posting a selfie by talking about how you’re taking a selfie in your caption or “#Selfie.” Just post it, be confident. It’s all or nothing.
7. Birthday pic stitches/collages. This generations version of a birthday card and an AIM profile shoutout to your bestie on their big day. Bonus points if you use old photos that you scrummaged up last time you went home to your parents for a free dinner.
8. Great! I’ve been tagged in a Instagram photo. Now, I will check it often to see how many likes it got, even though it’s not my picture. Oh, and I won’t like it myself until it’s got about, say, 7 likes on its own. Send the picture out to the wolves, and then give it that personal push when the time is right.
9. So you’re with your friends and you all take a picture. Who gets to instagram it? Because you know you all can’t because that’d just be weird.
10. We all do it. You take out your phone, and check Instagram. You sit in a room with your friends watching a movie, when you’re out for lunch, it has even been done when you’re out at a bar. What is wrong with us? Lets all make an effort to walk down a street, pass a flower, make dinner, or eat frozen yogurt without taking an Insta of it. Can we do it?