I Wanted You To Be Different (But You Ended Up Being Like Everyone Else)


I’ve been disappointed in love far too many times and you knew that. I expect that pain and suffering will remain a part of love because history has yet to prove me otherwise. My view on dating has always been negative thus while I frequently remind my own heart to take cautious steps in love, I also want it to be bold and brave. When you came in and presented yourself in an open manner, I was skeptical yet hopeful. The more we became acquainted, the more I held on to the hope that you would be different than the rest.

Thus I took a chance on you in hopes that it would work out just this once. At one point of our courtship, I felt something knocking on the giant wall that I built around my heart. Little did I know that it was you with your honesty and kindness. For days I watched you work tirelessly to tear down the wall and every once in awhile I would ask you what your intentions were. When I looked into your blue eyes and your sweet smile,

I never had a doubt in my mind that you would be the one I let in through that door and past the walls.

I never needed a charming man who would go out of his way to win me over. You were simple and truthful – a breath of fresh air for me. Letting you into my life felt easy and I began changing the way I viewed love and relationships. It wasn’t that I wanted to build a home right then and there with you, but I wanted you to become a part of my life. I wanted you to write the story of our relationship with me because I had grew weary of creating tales alone. Your blue eyes captured my heart and with every smile and laughter, I felt every bit of my fears disappear.

You held my hand and I knew I found my safe place. I longed search for a place where love covered the walls and the feeling of comfort travelled in the air. As I watched you sitting in your chair, I felt at home. When you smiled and wrapped your arms around me, I felt the puzzle pieces fit together. I swam in the deep blue ocean that is your eyes and found a resting ground with every kiss you gave me. As you grew on me, I knew I didn’t want to lose you because I loved you.

It never crossed my mind that you were too good to be true, it only crossed my mind that you were right for me.

We weren’t perfect and that was something a perfectionist like me found hard to accept. Disagreements were often placed face up on the table yet we worked through it together as a team. As much as I didn’t want you to leave me, I also knew that you also didn’t want me to go anywhere.

Time is a complicated friend; it cherishes happy moments yet it also has the power to take it away from you without warning. I was there the night that time clasped your arm and ushered you away from me. I could only look helplessly and there I saw your blue eyes filled with uncertainty whether to stay or leave. As I reached out your way, you turned your back because you made up your mind; you decided to walk away and I let you.

While I watched you walk out the door that you once knocked on, I began rebuilding a fortress around my heart once more. The walls taller, stronger, and near indestructible. I never believed in love and you took advantage of that reality to play the queen. Maybe love is truly only about who comes out a winner in this game for two which in our case, you won. It wasn’t that I wanted this to be a game, it was that in the end, you didn’t prove me otherwise. I had hoped you would be different than the rest and that’s something you will never know. Thought Catalog Logo Mark


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