I Couldn’t Compete With Alcohol For Your Love

Dave Lastovskiy
Dave Lastovskiy

When I met you and you told me that alcohol was a big part of your life, I shrugged it off. “So he’s a bartender. Big deal.” But then I started to notice that alcohol was involved every time we hung out. I realized that you hadn’t actually been sober around me for more than a few hours at a time and when I mentioned this to you, you laughed it off with the line, “I’m a bartender, babe. What do you expect?” So I tried to deal with alcohol being the uninvited guest to all of our dates.

I couldn’t do it.

I couldn’t watch you get hammered six nights a week. I couldn’t compete with alcohol; she’d be a better time for you than I ever would. I realized that and did the only logical thing I could think to do: I ran. I told you that our lifestyles weren’t compatible, so we should end things now. I was scared. Afraid that I’d lose you to her. I’d been down that road before and promised myself that I’d never go through that hell again. So I said goodbye and tried my best to forget about you.

It didn’t work.

Months later, you [drunkenly] sent a text to tell me that you missed me. Stupidly, I responded. Because truth be told, I missed you too. So we reconnected. We shared laughter and kisses and apologies that night. I had a bit of hope then, that maybe things would be different this time. They weren’t. Two days later and it was like I ceased to exist in your life at all. I hate admitting it, but I was crushed. I thought maybe I could pull you away from her; maybe I could be the only one in your life.

I couldn’t.

You told me that she’d been there for you more than I ever had and that she made your life so much more interesting. It was then I realized that maybe I should stop trying. I didn’t deserve to be the “other woman” any longer, so I let her have you. Right now I’m sure you two are happy together. But one day, the party will stop. And that’s when you’ll realize that it’s just you and your empty bottle. TC mark

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  • http://msvidaculturalattache.wordpress.com msvidaculturalattache

    So depressing but so true. You can’t force someone else to make a change that they are not ready for no matter how certain you are that it is the right (healthy) choice.

  • http://purpleribbonhealing.wordpress.com PurpleRibbonHealing

    The sneaking and lying betrayals to self becomes extended to their significant (insignificant others) sadly. Our society encourages it, it is everywhere and it is a legal substance abuse that contributes to further selfishness, narcissistic rages and domestic violence, neglect and the shame cannot be countered so from their perspective they become the bottle and the liquid is their intravenous life sustaining and false preservation. They are a the vessel and the fluid is their pain reliever in the short term and in the long term they become no more than the disease and knowing they cannot keep apologising for humiliating themselves and others, the embarrassing moments recited back to them- they must have an ongoing affair with the only relief they can. Tomorrow yet another woman and small children are on their way to further grief, a sense of futility all the while the disease runs them from their home, their connection and introduction to the disease no doubt etching early memories in the minds of little ones, that realise already that Daddy, has traded them in for the liquid diet that has near but ruined 9 lives. They say a cat has nine lives, time for cats eye (Suzie Quatro). One may consider that tonight will be the last night with the woman who strived to make a difference, who strived to heal him, who is the mother of his children. Fatal disease in the short and long term. Empathy wanes when the voice of reason is screamed down by the raging alcoholic and high functioning they often are, how else would they acquire the self entitlement and male privilege to owe it to themselves using everyone else except themselves as the lie, deception and excuses?

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