5 Ways To Start Healing After Getting Dumped
Have you ever been crazy about someone? You can see your futures together, you can picture how cute your babies will be, and oh, what a good parent they will be! Maybe you have been dating for a couple of months or maybe a year.
You know there have been a few bumps in the road but there is nothing the two of you can’t get through together.
And then it happens — they tell you this isn’t right, that they love you but the timing is wrong. You don’t believe it (although you are seeing it with your own eyes) but before you can wrap your head around what is happening, it’s too late.
They are gone. You’ve been dumped.
All you have left is a million questions and a broken heart.
Most of us have been here.
It sucks, to put it bluntly.
Here are five ways to help with the breakup blues, because now, it’s about you.
It’s time to heal, sister.
1. Cry
That’s right, let it flow — like Justin Timberlake says, it is time to cry them a river. Crying is your body’s way of releasing stress. Holding it in can actually lead to negative physical effects on your body. So if you are miserable post one-sided breakup, turn on some sad music, look through old pictures of happier times, take a long hot bath, and cry! Stop acting like you are okay (especially in the beginning). A breakup is a loss — allow yourself time to grieve, accept the tears, and remind yourself that this too shall pass.
2. Delete their number
I am not going to sugar coat this step. I’ll tell you straight up — it is hard. However, if you are broken up with, you owe it to yourself to let go and move on. A one-sided break-up can leave you with a lot of unanswered questions. I realize that deleting their number sounds like an atrocious idea. However, reaching out to them to convince them they are making a mistake will only push them further away. Begging for them to come back to you will leave you feeling worse than you do right now. They still have your number; they ended it because they don’t see a future with you. If they happens to change their mind (on their own terms) they will let you know. Otherwise, it’s time to Delete. Their. Contact.
Respect yourself by respecting their wishes, whether you agree with them or not.
3. Don’t rush the process
A breakup is a process. It may seem like the first thing you want to do is pull up Tinder, download Bumble, and update your Hinge pictures, just to take your mind off the agony. But hold up a beat before you overflow these new perspective inboxes. If you feel like you are ready, then get back on that horse! Everyone is different. But in my experience it takes time to move past getting hurt. I want to be ready and give it another go, but if the ex is still running through my mind, it’s going to be difficult for me to make room for anyone else. Give yourself the grace period you deserve so you can be even more of a badass than you were before what’s their name. If you rush into a new fling, you may sell yourself short, so make sure you are ready! Not to mention, if you go on a date and it goes horribly wrong, you may actually end up prolonging your healing process and setting yourself back.
4. Put your progress on a timeline
I understand that matters of the heart are not made for timelines; however, sometimes it is reassuring to know that you are making progress (even if its miniscule). Remembering each day that has passed is comforting. You get to think things like, Wow I’ve already gotten through five days of this breakup, and I’m still kickin’! Or, Man, day one was really terrible but look at me now, tomorrow is already six days I’ve survived this newly single life! Go me! Before you know it, you’ll stop counting the days. It will all be a past memory of that time you got through a rough breakup. You’ll look back, see how far you’ve come, smile, and move on with your day.
5. Keep a shit list
Use a shit list when you don’t necessarily agree with the circumstances of the breakup. Or, to put it more directly, when you are the one being dumped.
When you want someone back that doesn’t feel the same, sometimes it makes you want them more. With that being said, it can be easy to put them on a pedestal. This will not do anything to help you with your breakup process! If you find yourself doing this, it is time to take them off the pedestal and put them back with the other fish where they belong. Write a list of all of the things that bothered you about them. That’s right, a list of the reasons why they sucked. Did they chew with their mouth open? Add it to the list. Did they have a hard time getting along with your friends? List. Did they snore? You know what to do. During this time, your head may be in the clouds, and your thoughts may be consumed by them. I don’t want to discredit your good times, but I’ll bet they were not all that great (they broke up with you, after all!), so let’s take a second to bring you back down to reality. You’ll thank me later.