Hi. Hello. Is that you there with the bottom portion of your face suctioned deep inside of a Blue Bell ice cream container? Rocky road to be exact? Come out, please— Please, come out. I want to tell you something. Something I wish that someone would have told me while I was still nestled in the womb; something I wish that was ingrained in our DNA instead of going through years of experience to learn. Some people don’t deal with this as much as others. Whether it be nature or nurture, those of us that deal with this, deal with it HARD.
I have a close friend who recently went through a situation that is becoming a part of our culture’s norm. The eighties have leg warmers and personal computers— we have THIS. I’ve been through it, you’ve been through it, your brother’s teacher’s daughter’s best friend has been through it— We are the hookup culture, and we are not going anywhere soon!
Serial “almost” lovers. Definition: One to two (maaaybe three) month love affairs that end as abruptly as they began. Those high highs and low lows. I feel as if everyone in our generation has experienced this sensation at least once. The word I’d like to use here is “sparkle”. Yes, sparkle. You don’t feel it with everyone, but when you do, the sparkle glows from every pore of the other person and your own pores when you’re around them. You meet: the world stops; sparks fly! Ah, lust. No wait, maybe even love! He’s everything you’ve been looking for (not that you’d ever admit you’ve been ‘looking’ for anyone in the first place). The two of you hook-up.
It’s magical; you were right, it is love! Dare I say the word “soulmate”? He seems like perfection, he is wonderful. The man of your dreams! Even his weird habit of putting on deodorant before a shower is something you can look past, because HE. IS. IT.
Week one, you tell one another that you’re not looking for anything serious— your actions, however, say differently. Week two, you tell your friends about one another and even possibly hangout as a couple. Week three, you start talking about future plans and subtly question one another’s previous relationships. Week four, their might be a slip up here, possibly a miscommunication of some sort. His story lines up and make sense, seeing how he is “the one”— you give him the benefit of the doubt.
This is where the unclear grey area softly appears as the smoke and mirrors quickly dissipate. The sparkle is still there for you. He, however, senses other options— or just simply isn’t in the mind set for what the two of you have. Who knows? Maybe he simply doesn’t like the way you put on your socks. Whatever it may be, he’s outtie. You guys had never established what you are to one another so he doesn’t ethically even need to call you and tell you, “see ya never!” He handles it by pretending his phone or any source of communication no longer exists.
Leaving you, well, with your face suctioned in an ice cream container; licking not only the spoon but also the raw wounds of a broken heart, simultaneously sobbing tears of hatred towards him and every man in the universe. “Why isn’t he answering my texts? We had something special. He was the ONE.”
SO— Hi, hello! You. Yes, you: time to listen up. And listen with your entire heart. If you are tired of feeling that way, time and time again, have no fear! I promise you there is a cure. *que whiney girl voice (probably much like my own), “We had a ‘sparkle’. No one else makes me feel that ‘sparkle’. I am addicted to that ‘sparkle’ and can’t help but to fall for it.” This is great. But what if I told you there was a way to feel that sparkle every single day of your life? With or without a significant other. What if I told you there was a way to wake up every morning, finding your own face staring back at you in the mirror, makeup or no makeup, ghostly bags under your eyes or soft peachy skin, and genuinely FEEL this real, authentic, ‘sparkle.’
Like I mentioned previously, this is not something that we are born with; this is NOT something that is ingrained in the majority of our population’s DNA. A few people have it, while others have to work towards it. Two words: SELF. LOVE. It’s such a cliché concept, and one that could easily go in one ear and out the other. But it has more truth to it than one would ever assume. FALL IN LOVE WITH YOURSELF; whole-heartedly, unconsciously, and unconditionally. You can do no wrong. You are wonderful; perfect; beautiful. No matter what dumb thing you said that day or shitty food you accidentally ate, you STILL have that sparkle— NO. MATTER. WHAT.
How this affects your relationships in our age of quickie “love”: You start to put yourself first, as one should. You begin to question and notice red flags. You can alleviate a whole month of this person wasting your time by noticing these things sooner and handling them with finesse. Instead of believing that someone else is “the one”, you’ll know that you ARE “the one”. You’ll truly know from the bottom of your heart whether someone deserves you— and your sparkle— or not. You’re able to ask him why the hell he’s putting on his deodorant BEFORE the shower and make an educated decision whether it’s a cute quirk or if he’s actually a f*cking weirdo. It’s an entire transition— Your thoughts in life of whether “they” like you begin to evaporate and you start to ask the more important questions of whether YOU like them.
Like they say, “easy come, easy go.” When you put yourself first it stops you from letting someone into your life so easily, and in essence, making it harder for them to step out so quickly. Self-love is a task that takes effort to achieve, depending on the individual, of course. But once you get there it is totally worth it. Remember that sparkle you felt pouring out of his every pores and into your own? By loving yourself you automatically obtain this sparkle that oozes out of your every pore, creating a magnetizing aura that others can’t get enough of. SO: Time to dump him, the blue bell, and the whiney heart-broken mantra. You are THE ONE. And the only one. No one else.