Saying you’re moving on is so easy but in the dead of night when your smile is replaced by white knuckles clinging onto their sweatshirt, that’s when the real truth comes out.
Letting go is a series of steps forward and leaps backward, its smiling at a compliment from the guy in the mall but then remembering how he also used to tell you that your eyes were as blue as the ocean. Days can feel like a breath of fresh mountain air or they can feel as though you’re drowning at the bottom of a lake.
All the broken promises, all the lingering words, all the leftover feelings, are just left playing on repeat in your head like that song you just cant stop listening to. What went wrong plays over and over and pulls you back, drowns you like bricks tied to your ankles. One day you’re going to have to loosen your grip on that sweatshirt.
You’re going to have to let go.
You’re going to have to keep smiling at the way the boy in the mall compliments you, even if its how he used to. One day you’ll forget his words, even if that day is not today. One day you’ll stop worrying if he cares about you because you won’t need him to anymore. You won’t need him to care.
Letting go is a dirty and difficult process. There’s a lot of screaming and crying and a lot of sitting alone wondering what went wrong. You should know above anything else, it wasn’t you, babygirl.
You’ll find somebody who can love a soul like yours fully and without fail. One day you’ll never have to question somebody’s love and you’ll understand why it didn’t work out with him in the first place.
I promise. Just keep that chin up. You’re doing awesome.