With a shudder and a stutter over coffee with the girls, a friend says, “Are you over it yet?”
I giggle. It?
The ex-boyfriend becomes an entity, a genderless item, a product? Stripped at its core of his humanity for what he has done in the eyes of your closest friends. Most of the time, we smile and nod. But in reality, we don’t think we have it in us to ever be sure. It was a personal struggle deciding what you feel, until you realize…..
1. They’re no longer the first thing on your mind when you wake up.
Or the last thought when you go to bed. Reporting skills were always at an all-time high when you formed a unit with someone else. Much like “Honey, I’m at the supermarket”, and “Baby. I’m watching a show”. Then comes the goodnight and good morning’s texts. Ritually.
Going cold turkey is always difficult, especially when a routine has been formed. What we fail to realize is that a routine isn’t a contract, and it can always be broken with a cost. Once you go to bed and wake up consistently without a thought of, you’re halfway through.
2. You laugh with your friends when they joke about the past, but you don’t get upset over them when you’re alone.
“What were you thinking?” They laugh. “Really. You were asking for it.”
In the beginning, their words cut like a knife as you try and hold out another 20 minutes in the arena of words dished out against your choice, half contemplating if you really needed their friendship.
(Word of advice, yes you do, because no one can love you greater than them)
You used to banter and protect the reputation of how it held in the beginning of the promises made, but you gave up along the way of trying because you’ve accepted that these words hold no effect against you because they belong in the past. You will acknowledge that your friends are doing you a favor, for they held their tongues back because they wanted you to be happy. Lashing out now aids the healing process. Good job! You’re almost there.
3. You appreciate the memories, but you don’t yearn for them.
You are happy because you know there was a point of time where you both had real feelings for one another, built around fun and great memories made together. But you know that things have changed and they will never be the same, and that makes you a little sad, mostly because of the feeling of a ‘wasted opportunity’. But deep down you know that you are thankful because there is always a reason why someone stays in the past. You brood in disappointment, not in remembrance.
4. Your binge phase, slut phase and karma recounting phase is over.
You could have done a, b, c or all of the above. But they’re all over now. Your stash of chocolate, ice cream and alcohol has left the building, your low cut tops with late nights at the club has been tagged as your #yolo moments archived in the past. Your karma counting phrase of a daily dose of anger and curses has been replaced with acceptance. You accept that what has happened has happened, and being angry got too tiring to continue.
5. You understand what it means to care for someone but at the same time not being in love with them concurrently.
You will care from the sidelines, but you will not actively keep tabs on that someone. If you run into them on the streets you will be able to maintain a simple greeting and a smile- but you won’t agree to coffee or give in to the idea of anything longer than 10 conversant texts after your run in. As far as you’re concerned, you can’t be in their lives anymore. You aren’t interested in theirs, but should the social opportunity arise, you will listen, but not actively try to change it. Their decisions and choices have nothing to do with you anymore, and you’re ok with that.
6. You feel happier at the direction your life is going in.
You can see yourself in a different future than you expected. You have pictured being with someone else, even if you cannot imagine or visualize a face or have a name to that hope of that questioned marked man. You are excited at what life holds for you in the near and far future, and you aren’t afraid to go out and get what you want from life because as far as you’re concerned, life is too short to be stuck in a consistent web of if only.