If you’ve never gotten a scam call before, you’re probably one in a million. There are plenty of people who will call your phone claiming to be the IRS, the police, or someone from the government to try to get you to pay up loads of cash. It’s definitely something to be weary of next time you get a call from an unknown number claiming you’ve done something seriously wrong.
But this Twitter user sure knows how to identify a scam call when she gets one, and she decided to put her knowledge to the test and deal with the scammer in the funniest — and smartest — way possible. Trust me, you’re gonna want to take notes.
It finally happened. I finally got a call from a scammer claiming to be the IRS and I could finally pull all of the tax law and privacy law I know out of my brain. This is a good day. This is MY day, people.
— Hadeel is Keeping the "Red" in "Redneck" (@twittysuch) April 3, 2018
Some notes, though: I understand and respect that telemarketers (that's what they are) are just trying to do their jobs. We all have bills to pay. But the IRS phone scam is actually illegal and using threats of police violence or physical violence via the phone is illegal.
— Hadeel is Keeping the "Red" in "Redneck" (@twittysuch) April 3, 2018
Here’s the transcript of the call, which is honestly hilarious.
THREAD — SUMMARIZED TRANSCRIPT
-I receive a phone call from someone with a Maryland phone number, they identify themselves as being from the IRS and that I have "defaulted" on my tax payments for 2017.— Hadeel is Keeping the "Red" in "Redneck" (@twittysuch) April 3, 2018
Considering that uh…tax day isn't even here yet and I know the IRS will never call you, I decided to put it on speaker phone and fire up Ye Olde Audacity to entertain myself while I wait for my morning tea to steep.
— Hadeel is Keeping the "Red" in "Redneck" (@twittysuch) April 3, 2018
(Side note: definitely keep these things in mind when you get one of these calls. If it doesn’t seem logical, it’s probably not real.)
Me: I defaulted on my tax payments? That sounds serious. Why wasn't I ever sent a bill?
Person: You can take care of it over the phone with me. We take most major credit cards and prepaid Visa gift cards
Me: I'm gonna stop you right there. I want to know why I wasn't sent a bill.— Hadeel is Keeping the "Red" in "Redneck" (@twittysuch) April 3, 2018
Person: We send several bills, you ignored them.
Me: Did I? I think I would have remembered getting a bill from the IRS.
Person: You chose to ignore them.
Me: No, I don't think I'd ignore a CP523. It's a pretty distinct looking envelope.— Hadeel is Keeping the "Red" in "Redneck" (@twittysuch) April 3, 2018
Person: No, we sent you a bill and–
Me: It's called a CP523.
Person: What.
Me: The IRS doesn't send "bills". They're not Comcast. They send a CP523. I DID throw away a coupon for one of those Casper mattresses.— Hadeel is Keeping the "Red" in "Redneck" (@twittysuch) April 3, 2018
Person: Ma'am, if you don't take this seriously, we can send the police–
Me: No, you can't.
Person: I WILL SEND THE POLICE.
Me: Ok, send them. I'll be waiting.
Person: -silence-
Me: I hear sirens, is that them? (I live next to a fire station) Is that….the police?— Hadeel is Keeping the "Red" in "Redneck" (@twittysuch) April 3, 2018
(aside: I'm trying my absolute best not to LOSE IT at this point because this is HILARIOUS)
— Hadeel is Keeping the "Red" in "Redneck" (@twittysuch) April 3, 2018
Person: -silence-
Me: Do y'all take PayPal?
Person: No.
Me: What about bitcoin?
Person: We can take–
Me: You're committing a federal crime. Did you know that? Did you know you're breaking the law and you're not very good at it?
Person: *hangs up*–END THREAD–
— Hadeel is Keeping the "Red" in "Redneck" (@twittysuch) April 3, 2018
LMAOOO.
An Aside: I'm currently trying to figure out how to make the "I WILL SEND THE POLICE" my ringtone.
— Hadeel is Keeping the "Red" in "Redneck" (@twittysuch) April 3, 2018
Okay, seriously, this woman is a queen and I am not worthy. I feel like I need to brush up on governmental practices just so I can try to pull this off.
Here are some other great responses to spam callers, in case you need some ideas:
I got an amazing call from someone claiming to be the “Iowa State Police” saying I had pending legal complaint from “the U.S. government.”
“All right, can you name the court in which this action was filed?”
“Ummm.”
Kay.
— Eric Tjossem 🅧 (@etjossem) April 4, 2018
I once got a call from "Windows" claiming that they needed my computer information in order to remove a virus from my computer. Asked him to confirm what company he was calling from. He hung up when I politely explained that Windows is an OS, not a company. (Also, I had a Mac.)
— Linda (@mosaic915) April 4, 2018
One time a telemarketer wouldn’t leave me alone,I was like 13 and they were asking to talk to my dad. I said he wasn’t home, and they asked when he’d be back so I told the lady he’d gone out for cigarettes 3 years ago. Her: SILENCE/trying to hold laugh.
— _Nopaliz (@_Nopaliz) April 4, 2018
Well done you. In U.K. we get scam calls from telemarketers representing accident claims :
THEM: you were involved in a car accident recently (I wasn’t)
ME: thank god you called, I didn’t mean to kill them. I only had 1 bottle of Gin
THEM: hang up— LYNDHURST (@Lyndhurstfm) April 4, 2018
*Kisses fingers like an Italian chef* 
