Found on Ask Reddit
1. A middle-aged man was secretly sniffing women’s asses
Worked in a well-known discount retailer a few years ago and was friendly with the store detectives. One day, they called me into their camera room to show me some footage they got over the weekend.
Several overhead views of a middle-aged man lingering behind various young women, looking all around, waiting for a his window, then bending down quickly to sniff their asses. He was slick, none of them seemed to notice this guy crouched right behind them with his face just a couple inches from their butt.
They got him on camera doing this like 4 or 5 times before they tracked him down and told him to leave the store.
2. And old man had been taking pictures up this guy’s date’s skirt
Okay i don’t think i’ve told anyone this story before but here goes:
I went on a date a few years back with a Russian girl who didn’t speak English greatly. We went to the local mall and were just looking through shops for a while when we noticed this couple was following us.
They approached us and explained they wanted to let us know that an old asian man had been taking pictures up my date’s skirt whilst we were in the pet store. The couple said they told security and that security was trying to find him.
This guy was going stealth mode. Neither of us noticed him even though he was taking pictures of her the whole time.
The worst part was that my date didn’t speak good English, so I had to try to explain it to her and break down the language barrier…
Definitely one of the most awkward things that’s ever happened to me on a date
3. An old man shit on a stack of tires
Around 2003 I was working at Sam’s Club in loss prevention. One day while watching the tapes I saw an old man uncomfortably approach the Tire mounting area. He proceeded to drop his pants and sit on a stack of tires about 3 high. Got up and walked away a few minutes later. Upon inspection we discovered that he shat on the stack of tires. Of course we knew before we saw it because it stank very bad
4. Kids lit an old school bus on fire and then came back to watch the fire department deal with it
I cover 13 buildings all watched by cam . . . All the normal bizarre behavior expected in a socially and economically depressed area aided by a variety of drugs and alcohol and nearby university . . . But the two things that blow my kind are criminals returning to the scene of a crime and the lack of any substantial brainpower.
An old school bus was in a church parking lot. 3 kids decided to light it on fire. Not only did we catch them walking by the bus, returning, lighting it on fire, and then returning again to watch the fire Dept / police deal with the mess they were also caught on security cams at the corner mart up the street buying a lighter.
Had a generator stolen out of a storage unit behind a shelter. Never mind the guys left a trail in the snow from the storage unit to the house they took it to a few blocks away . . . One guy walked up to a cam (about 12’ off the ground) and, WHILE LOOKING DIRECTLY INTO THE CAM, tried to rub some snow on it to blur the field of vision. Good idea, I thought, but perhaps next time hide your face.
I do admit we did run into some smarter criminals. Not only did they bust into the only vacant house (affordable housing my agency maintains/rents) in a row they cleaned out everything – pipes, fixtures, appliances, etc they also took the entire DVR security system. So – no system, no backup, no video proof of the event. Good on ya’ criminals. You get this round.
5. A guy at the gym made a huge hole in the wall and tried to cover it with a plant
I used to work security night shift in a 34 floor hotel. While doing my rounds, I walk by the gym to see a huge hole in the wall (we’re talking 1×1.5m), with one of our potted ferns which had been dragged in front to pathetically try to cover it.
After reviewiewing video footage, I find this 300+ man running on the treadmill. The man has probably never used one in his life and seems to be struggling with the controls. He is running faster and faster, and eventually can’t keep up. He goes flying off, rams into the wall and stays down for at least 5 min.
He eventually gets up, “covers up” the hole with the fern, and walks out.
6. Someone started filming a porno on their lot
I am not in physical security, but one place I worked at was a hidden bunker in the middle of nowhere. The car park looked like it was just a random paved area in the middle of fields hidden down a tiny country lane as the entrances couldn’t be seen easily. We had camera’s watching the outside and one weekend a bunch of expensive cars pulled up people got out and started filming a porn movie then just drove off.
But the weirdest thing was that we noticed the cows in the field next door ALWAYS had at least one cow watching the entrance. They took turns, one cow would always start watching the door before another would look away to start eating. We got a little obsessive about trying to find any footage where there wasn’t a cow staring at the door and could never find any.
7. There was blood everywhere — and then a dismembered body part
I used to work in the control room at a county jail about ten years ago. It was our job to control all the automated doors and the security cameras in the facility. This included following officers with the cameras during wellness checks every fifteen minutes through our special housing, which involved checking each individual cells camera.
One day, we were following the officer on the first check after lunch was handed out. We start checking every cells camera, a lot of naked guys eating sandwiches, but nothing unusual. Until we get to about the sixth or seventh cell.
The first thing I see when the feed comes up is blood. There’s blood everywhere. The bed, the sink, the toilet, the floor, the walls. It’s on everything. But the guy is amazingly still on his feet and screaming at the officer when we enabled the intercom. He’s screaming “I don’t need it. I’ll never need it again so just take it”. And throws something at the door.
His penis. He threw his penis.
He broke his lunch tray and used one of the pieces to cut his penis off. Because as he saw it, he was never going to need it again because he was going to be sentenced to prison.
I don’t even remember what his charges were, but I remember that he was only looking at about two years max.
8. He was working in a haunted house when someone picked up one of the actors and threw them into a coffin
I worked in a full contact haunted house this past Halloween, and it was fun hearing the security guards talking about the stuff they saw on the monitors. Then the owner once said he was walking by the monitors when he saw an actor pick a dude up over his head and throw him over his shoulder into the coffin (which was actually really comfy!) and was a bit horrified. The security guard nonchalantly said, “Yeah, he’s been doing that all night.”
9. A man would come into the store and start molesting mannequins
I work Loss Prevention at a major department store, I could fill this thread if I had time but the one that sticks out the most is we had this guy come in every other day for a solid month, same outfit, clean, shy, sort of looked like he had downs but I’m no expert.
Well due to his attire and actions he earned himself the title… Plastic Cowboy.
Because what he would do is go to a quieter part of the store and start molesting mannequins. I’m not talking just the hand going from ankle to ass crack, he would unzip their zipper and slide two-three fingers inside that area and go to town.
We ended up barring him from the mall and our store after he went for some kid mannequins.
10. An old woman lost her underwear — while she was walking
A women I know went to a casino about two hours after they opened on a weekday to get tickets for a show. As she was walking by the security desk two women behind it were laughing hysterically. She knew one of the women and asked what was so funny. Turns out a couple minutes earlier they had found a pair of womens underwear. Not to strange, but that early on a weekday in the middle of a main walk way plus the fact they were big old “granny panties” got them curious so they were replaying the security tape. Sure enough a little old lady in a dress with a walker was just walking along, when her underwear started to fall. Ever step they fell a little more, till they hit the floor, she stepped out of them and just kept going.
11. This guy hilariously fell in front of an entire meeting room of people at work — and the whole thing got caught on camera
Was on the opposite end of this. Worked IT at a fairly big company. I used a scooter to move around the tile floor building while fixing things from room to room. Well one day, most of the employees were in a big meeting room meeting about something. I just so happened to need to go into that room to restart a switch. Now I was really good at drifting corners on said scooter and had made a habit of doing this around corners (yeah yeah I know). Well unbeknownst to me, not only were they having a meeting in said room, there was also water spilled right in front of the room. So right as I drifted around the corner, I hit the water and of course lost control and absolutely SLAMMED into a metal industrial fan they had at the entrance. It was fucking loud and of course I caused the whole meeting to stop mid whatever they were talking about. The head presenter saw the whole thing and was doubled over from laughing. Most everyone else was just confused.
Que 2 weeks later, I get asked to come help set up something which “broke right during our meeting”. I show up to the same room with the same people. As soon as I walk in, the CEO/owner pops open the video footage on the projector for everyone to see. I’m not gonna lie, it was pretty damn funny.
Edit: For all those asking, I unfortunately do not have a copy of the video anywhere I know of :( I think I was given a copy on a flash drive, but this was many years ago and I have lost track of it. I honestly have been kicking myself over that for a while. I will try and find it in my boxes of shit if I get time.
Also, it wasn’t like a highly important meeting (appearntly it’s just a bi-weekly meeting the company has), nor was it a huge company or anything – maybe 100 total employees. Everyone thought it was halarious so yeah, that was fortunate. Only downside was the janitor finally figured out where all the streak marks on the tile were coming from…
12. A truck driver parking perfectly, then falling out the door drunk
Saw a trucker drive his huge trailer to the loadingstation and fit it in like a glove, perfect first try. Then fallling out of cabin dead ass drunk.
13. Sex in the library. LOTS of it
My friend had to monitor the cameras for our university library, mostly the late night hours where the library was officially closed, but access was available to most students.
Like, we were walking through one of the loft areas and she was pointing out places she’d watched people have sex, and it just made me want to never step foot in the library again. Nowhere was safe.
14. A group of women flashed all the cameras
Used to work night security summers at this recreational campground. Had tent sites and RV hookups, but also cabins (ranging from simple to top of the line with their own hot tubs), multiple pools, tennis courts, miniature golf.. the works, it was “camping” for people that didn’t want to go camping basically.
One night a group of young women in their 20s or so (turned out later it was a bachelorette party) approached the back gate cameras almost in a military style formation. They turned and all six flashed their tits at the cameras. The incident became known as the “Twelve Gun Salute”
15. Just about every fall ever
Not something bizarre but just know, if you fall on camera, everyone that works in the building that a security guard likes will see the video multiple times
16. They thought they saw an animal, but what it was really something NSFW
Security officer at a bank. We had cameras on the inside and on the outside, with the idea being that the outdoor cameras could capture a license plate during a heist. Thankfully that never happened while I was working there.
One day something in the upper right corner of an outdoor camera feed caught my eye. Couldn’t figure out what it was, but it looked like a small animal moving back and forth. I sent one of the other officers to investigate, and he came back shaking his head with a big grin on his face. It was a homeless person stroking his shaft in broad daylight.
17. A lot of people picked their noses when they thought no one was watching
Worked Asset Protection at Target years ago. A lot of people pick their noses, and they wipe their hands anywhere and everywhere afterwords, same thing after they sneeze.
18. A hospital patient escaping security and making it all the way to his car— completely naked
I work weekends at a hospital for a security company with hundreds of cameras all over the hospital. I frequently am assigned to be the officer who watches cameras in the rooms of patients under observation (threats to self or nursing staff) and have access to the files in our archives.
The most bizarre thing I have ever seen (in the archives) is one of the patients under observation escaping security and making it all the way to his car—completely naked.
This guy was admitted for reasons that I have only heard second-hand. He was young, maybe mid twenties, and looked normal compared to most of the psychiatric patients that come into the ER. Most likely delusional and a danger to himself, but the key to his story was that he came to the hospital for help with his problems but did not know that by telling us that he was suicidal that a doctor would order him under observation and he would be unable to leave the hospital whenever he wished. Now the process of getting care for mental health issues in an emergency room can take hours because the specialized staff are off site, and only one is present on campus at any given time. He decided that he could not wait and that coming to the ER was a mistake, so he decided to escape. However, this particular patient was smarter than your average case. He took note of the cameras, the angles of each one, and watched the other patients nearby intently as they were escorted by security to a completely stripped, special bathroom. As the security guard in the small room that joined with his and a few other patients’ rooms opened a door to the adjacent hall, where the bathroom was located, the guard would immediately turn his or her attention to the other patients. Next to the bathroom was another observation room, but that guard was usually seated. Both of these officers, he seemed to gather from the smirk on his face, were not allowed, under any circumstance, to leave their post unless removed. Anyone running from this officer would have a huge head start before a free officer could be summoned over the radio. All he had to do was get out of reach of the nearest one, and they would not be able to follow.
There was one problem. The bathroom door opened up toward the seated guard in the hallway. Apparently he had devised a solution to this problem and asked the first guard to use the bathroom. Everything goes as planned, from his point of view. Guard #1 opens the door, lets him walk into the hall and then goes back to the other patients. Guard #2 remains seated and watches to make sure he actually goes in.
He is in the bathroom for almost ten minutes, and the guard in the hall notices, but doesn’t change anything about his routine. While the patient was in the bathroom (no camera), he stripped completely naked and lubed up his entire body in a thick layer of handsoap and water. The now fully lubricated patient, I imagine, took a deep breath and flung open the door as hard as he could. The camera files show the seated guard almost falling back out of his rolling chair in surprise. He hadn’t even come to terms with the fact that he was going to have to grab a curiously shiny naked man when the man made five long strides down the hall at full speed and turned the corner toward the waiting room. The patients in the waiting room just froze in shock, and the guards by the entrance/exit started running toward him. Half a dozen nurses and half a dozen security guards grabbed at him with gloved hands but every single one of them came up with nothing. None of them could get in front of him, and any attempt to grab the lubed up streaker failed. Some guards were holding their heads, mouthing “what the fuck” and others were in full sprint after him. He made it in under 30 seconds out of the hospital and out to the sidewalk that lead to the parking garage. He made it all the way to his car, but no further.
TL;DR, naked patient under observation lubes up entire body in bathroom and slips away from security and sprints through the ER to his car, but he didn’t have his keys.
19. A woman couldn’t find the call button on the elevator, so she tried knocking on the door
I wasn’t watching a camera but was working the front desk. The call button to the main elevators was hard to find because of a poorly-placed potted plant. This one lady couldn’t find the call button, and before I could walk over to show her where it was, she resorted to KNOCKING ON THE ELEVATOR DOOR. It took all I had to hold my laughter until the elevator door closed with her inside.
20. A poor old lady stopped in front of the escalator briefly and when she moved there was a brown spot on the floor.
Oh man I got some doozies. Got a few years under my belt doing this so let’s go.
Watched a guy knock an automatic sliding door completely off the track because he was too busy looking at his phone. Had to call in a tech to fix it.
Watched another guy try and steal a spinner of sunglasses just to misjudge which automatic door opened and slammed into it sending glasses flying fucking everywhere. He got away with the fixture and maybe 4 pairs of glasses.
Watched one chick pull out a pair of bolt cutters out of her purse to cut the security wire on some handbags. She cut two wires and ran off with 4 bags. She got caught later that afternoon.
I’ve watched a poor old lady stop in front of the escalator briefly and when she moved there was a brown spot on the floor. She started to shit herself and tracked it up the escalator and halfway across the store to the bathroom. When she got done and came out of the bathroom she continued shopping like nothing happened. Our store was s biohazard for the rest of the day
21. A mentally ill patient thought he was dating Hallie Berry
Several years ago, I worked in a hospital that had a secure wing for mentally ill/at risk patients. It had cameras all over the hall and in every room. It was also a co-ed ward, which was a TERRIBLE IDEA.
We had one guy, let’s call him RJ, who had been there a while and was missing certain things he was used to getting from his lady friend on the regular.
RJ was also a paranoid schizophrenic and would hallucinate famous people following/talking to him.
On this particular day, Hallie Berry was following him around and they were going to get married as soon as he was discharged. Lots of “My girl Hallie is hongry. Can I get an extra sammich?” and “Damn, Hallie, you so fine girl” directed to the wall.
Well, it’s dinner time and RJ gets his plate and goes to his room and comes back out a second later and asks the nurse for mayonnaise. Whatever, she gives him mayonnaise.
RJ goes back to his room, takes the ham from his sandwich, opens the mayonnaise, spreads is on one side of meat and, please forgive me for this, beats his meat with it.
So we pop a sticky note on the screen for modesty and keep giving out food. Then we hear it.
“HALLIE! OooOOOOoooooo HALLIE. OH GIRL. YES. GET IT. YOU LIKE THAT, DONT YOU? THATS MY HALLIE. I LOVE YOU BAY-BAAAAAAAAAAAY! GGUUUUUUUUGH!”
We all turn and look at the monitor just in time for RJ to do this Exorcist-esque arch right as he blew his load which rendered the strategically placed sticky note useless.
Then he got up, and RJ was a tall dude, but he got up and smeared a handful of mayo-cum directly on the camera and yelled “YALL DONT GET TO SEE ME WITH MY GIRL UNLESS YALL PAY!”
At which point he walked out of his room and dropped the half empty mayonnaise packet on the service window at the nurses station and said “Y’all can give the rest to somebody else.”
22. A very tiny girl got onto an elevator and, once she was alone, started spinning and punching the air
Holy shit I can answer this. I briefly worked security at my college dorm. Jesus Christ you wouldn’t believe the shit people do. My personal favorite was watching a very tiny girl get into an elevator, and as soon as the doors closed and she was alone ,she just started spinning and randomly punching the air. She didn’t stop until she got to her floor and then she just walked out like nothing ever happened. I also once watched a guy stop the doors from closing with his head. His head was stuck in the doors for a solid 20 seconds before they reopened.
23. One guard caught on camera would do anything to keep herself awake
On the ship during technical guard on shore. We had security cameras pointing outside and would look at it when bored.
We once watched how the outside civil guard desperately tried to stay awake. It was really funny to watch. She would read a book and always slightly go down with her head. Then she at some point switched to painting. Sometimes standing up doing squats and stuff like that.
24. Some chick got face fucked in a Jacuzzi
I got to see some chick getting face fucked in a Jacuzzi. The kicker was that she was under the water and the guy was using the hand rail as leverage to ram his rod down her throat. He was straight up moving the fucking rail too. It wasn’t like a passionate throat fuck. He was straight up hate fucking this chicks mouth.
25. Cars would just move on their own
I work at a car dealership. We had a co-worker pass away last year. He always liked to move the cars around and make them look nice.
Shortly after he died we have on camera one of the cars just moving on its own. It moved a good three feet forward. It was kinda trippy.