This Fuckboy Will Take You And A Friend To Coachella For Free — But Only If You’re Young, Insanely Hot, And Hate Diplo

Unsplash / Eric Ward

Oh, to be young and hot (at least I have one going for me???). If you’re a woman between the ages of 21-24 and beautiful enough that this dude bro’s best friends would definitely consider banging you, you might just get into Coachella for free — I mean, as long as you’re willing to put up with the insufferable douchebag who’s offering to take you.

This guy (who claims to be an electronic music producer whose brand will “change mainstream electronic music forever”) really isn’t asking for much. Along with being young and bangable (not that he wants to bang you, he swears), you just have to promise to hang out with him for the whole festival and also really, really hate Diplo. In fact, you have to hate Diplo so much that you treat him like shit if you see that. But if you can follow those simple rules, you’re in the clear!

Twitter / @_diplo_
@_diplo_

But he swears he’s not creepy. Seriously, not at all. He’s just going to have his two best friends judge every picture you send to him, but they’re bros who know how to rock a V-neck, so no worries!!!

But like, real talk: what would this dude do if he did find a date and she ended up ditching him for Diplo? Then what???

Anyway, if you’re willing to put up with this fuckboy who obviously just wants to use you as a tool for his own betterment, then by all means, get your free ticket, girl. Just be sure to tweet about it so I can find out how the whole thing goes down. TC mark

Callie Byrnes

Callie is a professional Thought Catalog blogger by day and an amateur Tumblr blogger by night.

This is me letting you go

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We owe it to ourselves to live the greatest life that we’re capable of living, even if that means that we have to be alone for a very long time.

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