Someone Wrote A Hilarious New ‘Harry Potter’ Chapter Using Only Predictive Keyboards

Harry Potter written with algorithms and predictive keyboards
Twitter / @botnikstudios

Technology is changing the way we do just about anything, so it shouldn’t surprise me that it’s also changing the way we write books. Well, kind of.

Thanks to predictive keyboards, we’re able to input information about our favorite books and TV shows into a computer and it outputs it’s own narrative — or, at least, pieces of narratives we can later string together. In this case, it graced us with a whole new chapter of the Harry Potter series, known as Harry Potter and the Portrait of What Looked Like a Large Pile of Ash.

The whole thing is literally so ridiculous I couldn’t stop reading. Let’s take a look, shall we?

It starts out… kind of normal, aside from the fact that the sky was “full of blood.”

Twitter / @botnikstudios

I’m not sure what’s best about this first page — the fact that Ron casually begins eating Hermione’s family or the sentence, “Ron’s Ron shirt was just as bad as Ron himself.”

The story goes on to another strange place as the gang decides to infiltrate a Death Eater meeting. And for some reason, it has something to do with Ron being… spiders?

Twitter / @botnikstudios

Then the true fight begins… and ends within a few very bizarre paragraphs.

Twitter / @botnikstudios

I’m going to be honest, I actually spit my drink out at “Harry tore his eyes out from his head and threw them into the forest. Voldemort raised his eyebrows at Harry, who could not see anything at the moment.” Also, why is everyone dipping each other in things?

But perhaps the best part of all is the end of the story:

Twitter / @botnikstudios

I am 100% getting that last line tattooed somewhere on my body, I’m just not sure where yet.

People definitely loved the short chapter, that’s for sure.

So maybe a computer doesn’t quite compare to JK Rowling, but hey, it’s a thing and I appreciate it. TC mark

Callie Byrnes

Callie is a professional Thought Catalog blogger by day and an amateur Tumblr blogger by night.

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