Anyone who’s been married before knows relationships aren’t always easy. Reddit asked its users to post about the “little things” they do to keep their marriages happy and health, and it’s exactly what you need for your own relationship.
1. Never fight when you’re hangry
We both agreed that whenever we start to have an argument to do a “gut check”, i.e. check if either one of us is hungry. If so, end the argument immediately, eat something, and wait half an hour to see if we want to resume arguing.
We now argue about twice a year.
2. You don’t need to speak to comfort someone
I’m one of those people that absolutely suck at knowing what to say when trying to comfort someone and I’ll always wind up saying something that just makes it worse…I think the best relationship advice I have ever received is that you don’t have to always verbally comfort them and you can still let them know you care by just being there – holding their hand or just sitting with them while they’re sad.This saves me many times.
3. Don’t bottle things up
Arguments. More specifically, not bottling things up. If I’m being an asshole, my wife will tell me. There’s no need to yell at each other, but sort shit out.
4. Keep dating
Just because you’re married doesn’t mean you’re not dating anymore.
5. Continue to be thankful (and affectionate)
“Thank you”, “I love you”, and touching each other’s butt. Works for us.
6. Give your partner more than you give yourself
This is going to sound strange but: each of you give your partner the “big half”.
7. Admit fault and apologize
Don’t be afraid to admit fault and don’t make excuses. If you hurt them, even if you didn’t mean to, apologise.
8. Never stop giving kind gestures
Leg rubs after a long day.
Cooking for them on their day off.
Surprising them with flowers even when it’s not a holiday or birthday.
Buying them something when you buy something for yourself.
Treating her possessions with the same care as if they were my own.
Telling her I love her and kissing her each day.
Complimenting her after a workout or when she does something to her hair. Anytime she does something to show her self off a bit.
Letting her know when I’m upset so that she doesn’t have to guess and we can talk about it.
Never going to bed mad at one another. Sometimes apologizing even when I think I’m right.
Apologizing for hurting her feelings even if it was unintentional.
9. Just let things go
Just letting things go. Seriously. Don’t argue about every little thing that pisses you off.
10. Give each other personal space
Giving each other personal space but expressing our love for each other every chance we get. There have been many days where we’ll find ourselves busy but one will always come to the other at some point to say we haven’t looked at the other enough. We’ll hold each other, look at each other for a few minutes, just being present with other and tell each other we’re madly in love with the other and kiss.
11. Think of your marriage as a jar
Think of your marriage as a jar. When you have positive interactions such as a compliment, praise, a hug, sex, a smile, you are putting into the jar. Negative takes out of the jar 3fold. Don’t let the jar go empty. Make it as full as you can at all times.
12. Don’t gender chores
He helps with everything around the house; laundry, dishes, cleaning, our daughter. I help with everything outside the house; mow, trim, move heavy shit, car maintenance…etc. There is no his and hers chores. We all live under the same roof, we’re all into taking care of it together.
13. Only say the best thing about your partner to other people
This is a big one for me – whenever my wife talks about me in front of other people she always, always says the absolute best things about me, even though I give her plenty to complain about. She even does it when I’m not around since friends mention my wife said this or that. All of our friends think I’m a rockstar husband and father and I think this is largely due to me fitting the role she made for me. She wins me respect from others just by speaking good things about me.
14. Cook for each other
Ladies and Gentlemen, please cook for your husbands and your wives at the end of a grueling day of work at least once per 2 weeks. It will literally make their day better. Don’t be afraid to. Seriously go for it. Nothing makes someone feel better when they get a homecooked meal.
15. Make each other your #1 priority
We are each other’s #1 priority. All the time. No exceptions. Does that rule every interaction and impact anything on most days? Nope. But when we need it to, it is an automatic trump card.
“Hey, that guy at your work makes me uncomfortable. Can you not have lunch alone with him anymore?” Done.
“Hey, I know work is busy this week, but I am nervous for my doctor’s appointment. Can you come?” Done.
“When we visit your family, I get a little overwhelmed. Can we have lunch, just the 2 of us, to get some breathing room?” Done.
“The baby is driving me crazy. Can you take her so I can take a bath/watch the game/get a nap/just breathe?” Done.
These situations are actually pretty rare, but to know someone will 100% support you means all the difference in the world.
16. Make divorce not an option
Make divorce not an option. My wife and I don’t use the word in our house. When we know that the other is in it for good, it creates the safety needed to be yourself.
17. Make each other laugh
We make each other laugh. :) A tickle, sharing a joke or a silly gif, or just being goofy (especially nothing that’s particularly funny to other people, but little things that are silly to us).
I think it makes us truly happy around each other, and if one of us is having a bad day or we’re at the end of an argument, a smile or a chuckle goes a long way in shaking off those moments. Like, the bad days are still bad and hurt feelings are still hurt, but that smile or chuckle reminded us that there’s good out there and that we’re there for each other. :)
18. Make time for each other every day
He has an alarm that goes off at 9:15 every night that he calls his “bumbledaisy” alarm. He stops whatever he is doing, sings a little song and then asks me if he can do anything for me. Most of the time I just want a hug and a kiss.