Today, People Magazine announced that Blake Shelton is 2017’s Sexiest Man Alive, to which I have to say: excuse you??? I feel personally victimized here.
I’m sorry, but in all honesty, there is a 0% chance I would have ever chosen Shelton as the sexiest man alive. In fact, I don’t even find him attractive. At all. In the slightest. Who was in charge of this decision, People? You need to fire them immediately.
I can't tell if the standards for Sexy have gotten lower or if the standards for Alive have gotten higher
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) November 15, 2017
Blake Shelton is not even the sexiest:
1) Gwen Stefani spouse (Gavin Rossdale)
2) country singer (Steve Grand)
3) Voice guy (Adam Levine)
4) Blake (Blake Lively)
5) Racist (Dean Cain)
— Anthony Oliveira (@meakoopa) November 15, 2017
But don’t worry, Twitter took the liberty of correcting its mistake and assigning the true Sexiest Men Alive, none of who are (surprise) Blake Shelton.
Popular vote vs. electoral college. pic.twitter.com/J3hkWFY0bJ
— QB1JustinFields (@MrFilmkritik) November 15, 2017
— 2 Dope Queens Podcast (@2DopeQueens) November 15, 2017
Best option: Blake Shelton resigns as Sexiest Man Alive, creating new vacancy and do over. Gov appoints Idris Elba, schedules new primaries/general. New vacancy = new process.
— Dave Itzkoff (@ditzkoff) November 15, 2017
they named blake shelton 'sexiest man alive' like papa john isn't still breathing smh
— Desus Nice (@desusnice) November 15, 2017
Y'all are gonna tell me Blake Shelton is sexiest man alive when Jason Momoa is alive and well?! pic.twitter.com/d0ZLPXGFuQ
— Cori (@TheCorkers) November 15, 2017
Sexiest Man Alive should have just gone to a woman this year. Men don’t deserve things anymore.
— Gideon Glick (@gidglick) November 15, 2017
But hey, if Blake Shelton can become the Sexiest Man Alive, think of all the things you can do!
Some rare words of encouragement from me today: If Blake Shelton can be named "sexiest man alive" – you, the person reading this, can certainly conquer whatever goals you've set for yourself. It's never too late
— John Wolfe (@JohnWolfeYT) November 15, 2017
Blake Shelton is considered attractive now. We have a reality TV star as president. Literally nothing is impossible anymore.