Doris Payne is the real deal. The 86-year-old woman has had a career as an international jewel thief for six decades, which is longer than I’ve even existed. In fact, she’s so legit she has her own Wikipedia page.
While Payne has gotten away with stealing merchandise worth $500,000 (thanks to a ring she stole in Monte Carlo), this time she was caught with only $86.22 worth of pharmaceuticals, electronics and groceries from a Walmart in Georgia, according to WSB-TV. She’s been charged with theft by shoplifting.
While it seems crazy that a woman with such a long resume of theft would get caught at a Walmart of all places (pretty sure 12-year-old kids steal things from there all the time), this certainly isn’t the first time the authorities caught her with something that wasn’t her. In the past, she’s also been arrested for stealing designer clothes and high-end jewelry. She’s also admitted to using a variety of aliases and social security numbers during her heists.
OK, so I know we shouldn’t be encouraging people to break the law or anything, but this woman is amazing. She even has a whole documentary about her life (called The Life and Crimes of Doris Payne). I’m not saying that we should all try to be her but, um, I kind of want to be her.