I had always been someone who was considered incredibly nostalgic. I could pull up memories and people from years and years back any time of any day and find myself crying, laughing and reminiscing. I always had a harder time letting go of the past than most, and was always willing to keep people around for the sake of, “well they’ve always been there,” or “there’s so much history.” Though this is incredibly kind and big-hearted, it’s not right.
I found myself holding onto all the wrong things for all the wrong reasons. I was always getting hurt. I was accepting apologies that weren’t genuine, or even sometimes not receiving them at all and still acting as if nothing happened. I stopped holding the people in my life to a standard, and stopped holding them responsible for their mishaps. I was constantly upset. If it wasn’t this person today, it was that person tomorrow. Everywhere I turned I was getting walked on, betrayed, ignored, and metaphorically slapped in the face. I had become the doormat I always talked about. People were coming in and out of my life like my heart was Grand Central Station. Things people would never do to the other people in their life became normalized ways to treat me. I sat up one night at a point where I was too tired to cry, be angry, and even sleep.
“Why does everyone treat me like this?” I was everyone’s go to. I was the right hand to more people than most people had friendships. I could listen to others for hours on end, answer late night phone calls, drive out in the middle of the night, let you vent, and pretend it never happened the next day when you were over it. I put more energy into being a friend than any job I’ve ever had and even being completely there for myself.
I realized where I was going wrong. In life, things change, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worst. I had learned the hard way so many times the most consistent thing about life, was its inconsistency. But this change and growth was the most beautiful thing about life.
If you don’t keep up with this growth, you will get left behind. Life moves fast and whether you think so or not, it will keep going without you.
When it goes, it will leave you grasping for every friendship and relationship that is no longer meant for your time and effort. This is where I was with so many people who’s time in my book had expired.
There are going to be people who come into your life and have the most inspiring impact. People will come in like a storm and change everything about the way you thought before this. You will never see them coming. And after they go everything will be different. But not every one of these people are meant to stay. It may seem unbelievable. That such an important, larger than life person isn’t meant to stay. But that’s all in the lesson. Anyone who makes life difficult, makes time seem like it’s moving so fast, or so slow, causing you to wonder where you’re at or where you stand or making you put more energy in than you ever get back, is not someone who should stay.
Someone who drains you and never returns what they’ve taken. Someone who makes you feel like you need to be on your toes, or you need to walk on eggshells, or maybe that you shouldn’t even go anywhere at all. Does this person sound familiar? Good. Leave them. Leave them where they are supposed to be. You will meet so many people, who are made and tailored for whatever chapter of your life you’re in. Some will stay. They will be at your wedding, maybe standing behind you, or before you. They will be at your baby shower, your game nights, the nights you need to go to the bar and get a break. Or maybe their life will take them on another adventure but they will send postcards and call you and check in when you most need it. This person I’m describing isn’t the reason you’re crying right now. The reason you check your phone constantly, or the reason you feel uncomfortable with a group of friends whenever they decide to come around. They’re not healing you, they’re not helping you and they’re not growing with you.
This is your year to let them go. And this is your year to be happy.