To quote the great philosopher, Gretchen Wieners, these are “like, the rules of feminism.”
Wrath (Or watching ahead on “your show”)
Hell hath no fury like a friend who just discovered you’ve been watching ahead on (insert-show-you-had-promised-to-watch-together-here). A true test of friendship is knowing that the latest episode of Bob’s Burgers is there and abstaining out of love and mutual respect.
Greed (Or, buying that thing she loved, behind her back)
Remember that bracelet that she loved in Kate Spade, the one that she called dibs on but couldn’t walk out with, at the time? Yeah, you went back and bought it because dibs only lasts until you’re out of the store (at least, that’s your excuse this time).
Pride (Or, tagging her in that pic she hated)
She said her face looked shiny. She begged you to delete it. You retook the picture and she let you keep the first, just so long as you didn’t post it or tag her, and you fully respected that… until you got home and saw how much hotter you looked in the first picture. You can always pretend that you forgot which picture it was that she hated…
Lust (Or, making a move on her crush)
It is a cornerstone principle of the Girl Code that best friends do not pursue the same men. There is a brief period of attraction and then dibs, in which one of the friends stakes her claim and the other gracefully bows out. The cruel reality is that, sometimes, Boy In Question is not into She Who Called Dibs, in which case one could be tempted to move in on that. Enter at your own risk.
Sloth (Or, canceling plans last minute)
Sometimes you just want to stay in your pajamas and watch Seinfeld reruns and that’s okay. Just don’t let your friend find out that’s what you’re doing, when you just bailed on the pub-crawl she had roped you into.
Gluttony (Or, finishing the last of her snacks/wine without offering to share)
As besties you will have nearly unlimited access to your friend’s pantry. Help yourself to all the food and alcohol you want; but if it’s the last of the ice cream or the last of the Moscato or the last of the flavor-blasted Goldfish, you better sure as hell ask if she wants you to share that shit.
Envy (Or, encroaching on her style)
Your friend is the stylish one. She’s the one that flawlessly adorns the classics or boldly pulls off the edgiest trends. Whatever it is, she’s got her thing and does it well and gets all the compliments on it and her profile pic instantly gets 100 likes and one day you find yourself thinking, “I could pull off that thing”. Remember when the world became aware that Kylie Jenner was totally stealing her look from Heather Sanders? Do not be Kylie Jenner.