We Need To Stop All This Girl-On-Girl Hate

Orange Is The New Black
Orange Is The New Black

As a woman, I am sick and tired of the way women treat other women. From the middle school cafeteria, through higher education, and into the adult world, women are straight up awful to one another. It has simply got to stop. There are too many rapists and serial killers and creepy ex-boyfriends out there for us to treat each other this way! We’re on the same team!!

Let’s start with looks; since that’s a subject that so much precious content has been geared towards. All women, at one point or another, struggle with looks. I could wax poetic about the impossible standards portrayed in media or how positive body image starts with happiness in the soul. But, I’m not going to do that. You can read that somewhere else. What I’m here to say is this: Ladies, stop ragging on how other women look. I don’t care if she’s hotter than you or notter than you, just leave it alone. Don’t talk shit about someone because she’s got bigger boobs. Don’t treat someone in a hostile way because your eyeliner game is superior to hers. IT. ACCOMPLISHES. NOTHING.  Just imagine how much happier (and prettier) we would all feel if we channeled the energy we spent on judging into working out, practicing makeup, or, here’s a novel idea, being happy with the unique and wonderful features we each have!! 

Stop number two on our rant tour is success and the idea that anyone else who is successful is instantly deserving of our hate. Why… just… WHY?? I’ve seen it play out over and over, on social media and in the real world. Woman 1 gets married, has a baby, gets promoted, closes an important deal, or opens an artisan honey shop (do those exist?), Woman 2 instantly finds “problems” with Woman 1. Woman 1 is selfish. Woman 1 is bitchy. Woman 1 settled. You’ll hear it all except for, “Good for Woman 1. I’m happy for her.” This is not the proper way to look at this. The hateful things you’re saying do not, at all, detract from another’s success, if anything it distracts (maybe), for a moment. Talking shit does not mean Woman 1 gets fired or divorced. Feeling threatened and envious is a healthy emotion and part of human nature, so learn to deal with it in a healthy way. Take that fire and use it to up your game. If someone does the job better, watch them, learn from them, try and imitate that which makes another successful. Or find your own path to success and happiness. Stomping on another person does not elevate you in any way.

This next one’s for the mean girls. Why is it that women feel the need to spread the hate? It’s not enough that just one girl has a problem with another girl; she has to bring all her friends to the Dark Side. “Let’s not talk to her because we don’t like her.” And why, as comrades in womanhood, do we allow ourselves to fall for this every time? I will never forget a time in middle school, back when I didn’t have a spine, when I was feeling so guilty over a situation with a girl in my school. A friend of mine unleashed her rage on this girl, Braily, because Braily was dating my friend’s ex. (Side Note: Ladies, don’t blame another woman for your man troubles. Your relationship didn’t work out because a) something was wrong with your dude to begin with or b) you and he both played a part in the implosion of your union.) Okay, back on track. My friend pulled the classic, “Let’s all not talk to Braily, so she’ll know we hate her.” I wanted to be supportive of my friend, so I played the stupid, evil middle-school-bitch mind game, but I hated myself. Braily had never done anything to hurt me. I thought she was really nice. It wasn’t my fight. I look back on that now and have made a promise to myself never to treat someone that way ever again. This is what separates the women from the girls. The ability to fight your own battles. Don’t call in your buddies as reinforcements and don’t take up arms against someone who, in your world, is an innocent. 

Something that has stuck with me all my life is this weird little analogy that my Mama used to make: All of our individual talents can be symbolized by a little silver package. We all have our own stacks of silver boxes that are unique and distinct to us. Some people go through life knocking down other people’s silver boxes, this not only causes temporary destruction, but scatters those talents and positive traits so far that a person has to search and search to build their boxes up again. This is the problem with girl-on-girl hate. Being catty or bitchy or judgmental does nothing to help an individual. We all wake up with the same insecurities and doubts as we did the day before. But when you project that insecurity onto someone else, it does damage what they feel and I’m sure we can all agree that that is sometimes a difficult thing to come back from.

So stop with the name-calling, the outfit judging, the rumors, the pettiness, the exclusion, and the drama. We’re better than that, ladies.

End rant. TC mark

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  • http://omaha-counseling.com/ending-girl-hate/ Ending Girl Hate | Omaha Counseling Blog

    […] or mean comments about other women not only harms those women, but it does nothing for you. You will still wake up with the same insecurities as you did the day before. When you project that insecurity onto someone else, it can be a […]

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