I’ve never been a health and fitness nut. I think extreme dieting is bad for your soul (and your general health). I love pasta. I get moderate exercise, but only in ways that I consider fun (examples: swimming, kickball, getting my Shakira on, playing chase with my dog, etc.). I’ve always had confidence in my body, so there was never a need for me to go on a major health kick/lifestyle change.
This was until I developed a condition that now dictates that I be miserable (i.e. abide by a very strict diet to deal with the problem… farewell, beloved pasta)
The whole experience has been bittersweet. On one hand, I’m healthier than I’ve ever been, I have more energy, and I know I’m forming habits that will benefit me for my entire life. On the other hand, I really fucking miss chocolate, pasta, and Cheetos Puffs.
This one’s for all of us who have taken to plunge into a healthier lifestyle… and immediately regretted the decision.
1. Repetitive Menu
No more fucking salad, I’m sick of salad! (flips bowl of salad off of table, then flips table, kicks lettuce angrily across the room) Learning how to eat healthy is hard! Nothing sucks more than going to your favorite restaurant and ordering a grilled chicken salad when you would have normally ordered a burger. And when you do figure out what is better to eat, those healthy options get old fast!
I can eat fries. I just have to run when I get off work and then do a protein shake for dinner. (Let’s be honest, I may force myself to run when I get home, but I’ll be damned before I replace ANOTHER meal with a protein shake!) Variety is the spice of life and sometimes the monotony of clean eating needs to be broken up with a little cheat every now and then. I’m not talking about an ice cream binge. I’m talking about potato chips over a salad. Still, when we cheat, we feel guilty, so we feel the need to justify our cheating. Sometimes this method works and you really will work extra hard to make up for it or your cheats will add up until you find yourself several steps behind where you want to be. Know yourself.
3. So. Much. Physical. Activity.
I’m two miles from my home. I have two choices 1) Keep running or 2) Be forced to run two miles back home. I’m going to die out here. People who claim to love running are liars. No one likes running, they’ve just achieved a celestial level of grace in terms of dealing with running. I am not one of these people.
4. Social Anxiety
Will we go to a restaurant that has a good vegetarian menu? Will there be cake at this party? Will I offend my coworkers if I just bring my own protein shake to the office luncheon? The terrible part about any kind of lifestyle change is the fact that not everyone else in your life is making that same change. Your girlfriends will still want to go out for Mexican food. The girls at the office will still buy you cupcakes on your birthday. Temptation is everywhere.
5. Permanent Changes
Fuck yes, it’s pasta time! Oh, sweet pasta, it’s been so long! (Wait one hour) Why do I feel like I’m dying????? When you change your eating and exercise habits for the better, your body changes for the better. Suddenly those sodas and nachos you loved so much will make you sick to your stomach. You will actually want to do your crunches that day, because endorphins make you happy and happy people don’t shoot their husbands (couldn’t resist channeling the wisdom of Elle Woods). They call it “clean” eating for a reason. Actually… this last one isn’t much of a struggle at all!