40 Thoughts Every Girl Has While Packing To Move

"Fuck it - I'm going to live in this box instead!" (Shutterstock)
“Fuck it – I’m going to live in this box instead!” (Shutterstock)
  1. Damn, I’ve got a lot of stuff.
  2. I swear, I had boxes at one point in my life.
  3. How did all this get in here?
  4. Surely, I didn’t move in with all of this.
  5. Okay, closet, it’s just you and me. Showdown at the OK Corral. Mono y mono.
  6. I don’t even wear half this shit.
  7. Oh my God! How did I forget about this dress? *holds dress to body*
  8. I should try this on. *leaves, tries on dress*
  9. I make a promise to myself, today, that I will wear that dress more often.
  10. I should consider donating some of these t-shirts.
  11. You’re a grown-ass woman. Why do you have three Superman t-shirts?
  12. I love my Superman t-shirts.
  13. Was that a spider?
  14. I swear to all that’s sacred, if a spider jumps on me I’m burning this place to the ground.
  15. Oh god, oh god, oh god, please no spider.
  16. I can’t. Nope. Nope. Nope. Moving on.
  17. How many books can I fit into a box before it becomes too heavy to lift?
  18. Five?
  19. This is why I need a man. To lift my boxes of books.
  20. When did I get so many cups??
  21. Seriously, I use like two of these.
  22. Whoever said that dish sets are a symbol of adulthood was a jackass who never had to move.
  23. Maybe I should just leave all my worldly possessions behind and start anew.
  24. Nah, I love my stuff too much.
  25. I wonder if anyone will judge me if I use this plastic Halloween cauldron as a moving crate?
  26. It’s a container!!! JUDGE ME!
  27. If I was smart, I’d go get some bins and moving boxes.
  28. That would make this easier.
  29. That would also involve getting in the car and putting forth effort.
  30. This is why I need a man: to go get me boxes. And then he should help me fill those boxes with things and then he will lift those boxes.
  31. That’s not very feminist of me.
  32. Fuck it. I’ll just stack this stuff on top of the box.
  33. Okay, box one of five billion. Here we go.
  34. Sweet mother of Gandalf that’s heavy!!
  35. You can do it! Come on! Eye of the tiger, you little bitch!
  36. I can’t. I’m weak!!
  37. This is where it ends. My headstone will read, “Crushed by box full of shoes”.
  38. Christ, I think my whole life passed before my eyes just then.
  39. Seems I’m not as equipped for the task as I had thought. Hmm…
  40. I need to hire some movers… or call my dad. TC Mark

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