Most Of All, I Wish You Loved Me Back

I wish there was a way to forget all the memories we shared.

All the places we went and all the laughs we shared together, because they haunt me day in and day out. Every single thing in this small town reminds me of you and I can’t get away from it. It’s like I’m living in a constant nightmare because every corner I turn something reminds me of you. The smallest things remind me of you. Sometimes I drive by the high school in our town, and I see the parking spot I parked at every day for a whole semester. It’s also the parking spot where we first kissed. And I knew as soon as I kissed you that I was fucked, because I wanted to kiss you every single minute forever, and I knew that feeling wasn’t going to change any time soon. I knew that you were the only person that could make me feel like I was on top of the world with one, little, innocent kiss.

I can’t drive into the town next to mine without remembering the first time we really connected and hung out, I can’t go swimming without thinking about how our first date was at a beach and how it was hands down one of the best days with you. I can’t watch my favorite t.v. show because it was one that you would give me so much crap about but secretly I knew you wanted to watch it with me.

The haunting memory of you has made every single fucking thing I do a nightmare.

I can’t get out of bed in the morning without wishing I was waking up to a good morning text from you. You have ruined everything for me.

I can’t stop remembering every single detail about you, every single thing you did to make me fall in love. The way your smile and eyes are engraved into my mind and how it’s just a constant memory of what I don’t have anymore. Your fucking eyes get me every time I think about them. They’re blue, and perfect and it’s like I could just look into them and get lost in all of it, get lost in the moment and forget all my problems. I could drown in those eyes and if they were the last thing I’d see, I’d be okay with that. The way you would look at me and smile and it’s like every single thing was perfect even if it wasn’t, how your smile could fix every single thing. No matter how mad you were at me, you couldn’t resist smiling when your eyes landed on me.

I wish I could forget the way you held me when I cried about everything from not finding the right shirt at the mall to thinking I wasn’t enough for you.

I wish I could forget the way you use to look at me, like I was the only girl in the room.

But I’m reminded of that, every single time I see you looking at her.

I wish I could make new memories with other people without wishing you were there making them with me. I wish I could forget every single thing that made me fall in love with you because maybe then, I wouldn’t love you anymore.

I want so many things, and there’s so many things I wish for every single night. But most of all,

I wish you loved me back.