Barely lean over in time to reach the toilet. Vomit. Get a little in your hair, and try to contain the panic by cracking a joke to yourself about being out of practice. It doesn’t help.
Excepting two horrific incidents involving goldfish that wished for their own demise, I had an idyllic childhood in one of the (surprisingly numerous) parts of New Jersey that could be confused for Kansas. However, these incidents still haunt me — making me question my existence, and what goes on below the surface of fishbowls across the world.
I rue the day my mother first walked in to Work Out World. She entered not only a giant gym, but a giant cesspool filled with the dregs of the Top 40. Day after day, I heard her come home and tunelessly warble ‘Bad Romance’ or ‘Where is the Love?’. I’ll be perfectly honest—I love my mother, and she has a lovely singing voice. For church. If you like that sort of thing.
Most supermarkets promote from within, same as restaurants, and while they may not be working in the original stores they started in, the Human Resources Manager used to be the cart boy, my manager has been working the bakery for twelve years, and everyone in customer service has worked the floor.