Imagine that someone in this world loves you more than any song can song, and any phrase can express. You are the first thing on his mind every morning, and the last thing on his mind every night. He worships you. He can’t go more than ten minutes wondering what you are doing, and if you are happy. Your happiness and success are his only goals in life.
You are literally his drug. He doesn’t need narcotics or booze because you are his high. Everything you are, is everything he wants and the only thing he needs. He would take a bullet for you. He would kill someone for you. His love is that real.
And he tells you all the time, “I love you so much.” And you can feel it in his presence. You can see it in the way he looks at you and the way he bares his soul. In the way that he has made himself a better person, for you.
It is a fairytale. Except that it isn’t.
The only problem is you don’t love him back. Maybe you did at one time and have fallen out of love. Maybe you never loved him at all. Maybe you do love him, but not enough to save you. How do you live with yourself, knowing that you have literally crushed the soul of another? How do you sleep knowing that you may have scarred him for life? Knowing that he may never be able to love someone else, because of you.
The answer is simple: time and conscious thought. Time doesn’t completely heal all wounds, but it can help. At first it will seem like a selfish act…you are the villain. But in time you will understand that your happiness and your choices are just that, yours. Do your choices affect others? Absolutely. But can continue to blame yourself for the way other people choose to feel? Absolutely not. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to love whomever the hell you please. You are responsible for you, and that’s it.
Stop beating yourself up about it. Stop pitying him. He will get over it someday, on his own accord, when he is damn well ready. When he starts to take responsibility for his own happiness, and his own choices, he will be free from you. And he will feel stronger, and more able because of it.
Maybe he didn’t deserve for you to break his heart. But he certainly didn’t deserve your guilted-love either. Maybe he will find someone else, maybe he will never love again. Either way, that isn’t your concern. Take pride in the fact that you are brave enough to know what you want, and make the hard decisions that need to be made.
You aren’t a bad person because you broke someone’s heart. You aren’t a villain for not returning someone else’s love. You’re human. Someone may break your heart someday and then maybe you’ll understand both sides of the coin. But until then, remind yourself that no matter how much he loved you; you loved yourself a little more.
Because eventually you will find someone who you love, just as much as he loved you. And if you’re lucky, that person will love you too.