This Is The 2018 Equivalent Of The Infamous Sex And The City ‘Post It’ Breakup

Sex and the City

The scene I always remember from Sex in the City doesn’t involve Carrie and her true love Big, but Carrie and one of the boyfriends that only the girls that follow the series closely will remember. Any SITC fan will remember the famous “Post It Note” breakup. For those of you who aren’t on the basic betch spectrum, I’ll give some background. The episode I am talking about is when Carrie reunites with her ex boyfriend and they spend the night together only for her to wake up alone with just a simple post it note saying “I can’t, don’t hate me”. Shock, confusion, and hurt are immediately replaced by indignation. How could he be so callous? She didn’t even deserve an in person “I can’t, don’t hate me” or even just a “I can’t, don’t hate me” on some nicer paper??

Who knew that in the almost two decades since that episode aired that we would reach a point where people just disappearing in the middle of relationships was so common that there was actually a term for it. GHOSTING. Ghosting is universally known to be one of the cruelest things you can do to another person, but I might disagree. Ghosting may make you question everything but also leaves you with the opportunity to self protect and tell yourself “they’re such a huge prick I don’t even want to be with someone that immature”. Blame is completely placed on the now dead to you person. You’ll mourn the end and wonder at what point they decided “nope this chick is not for me”. Was it when you made a joke about loving pizza more than your family? Or that time you admitted you were so politically uneducated prior to the 2016 election that you had to google what GOP stands for.

Ghosting is horrible but at end of the day it allows you to create your own storyboard ending.

I just encountered my own Post It note situation that was so ridiculous that my first thought was he was joking and when I forwarded it to my friends they asked “You should tell him never to joke about that stuff”. But the real kicker is; he wasn’t joking.

This is how it went down, we were having a normal conversation and he asked what I had planned that week, I responded back with a “you know, this and that”, which was my attempt to be nonchalant and flippant. He responded with a “that’s cool me too”, keeping with that flippant tone. I retorted with a lyric from a song by one of the bands we had seen together (cheesy I know, but he was the one always starting conversations with lyrics, and every time he did it made my heart swoon. Now I want to puke and stab the nearest male every time one of those songs plays). And this was the point when I should have known something was up, he didn’t follow up with the next line of the song like we normally did with each other. Instead he hit me with “Yah I don’t have any plans”.

I admit I was slightly thrown by the detour from our typical lyrical exchange but I rolled with it and asked if he wanted to hang out. Because we had been dating and consistently seeing each other for over a month, so we had to be at the point where I can suggests hangouts without coming off as needy or desperate. And in addition this kid had been texting basically nonstop when I had been gone the previous week on a vacation. I guess I must have been an idiot to think that someone who discussed making summer plans also might want to see me in the immediate future.

OHH BOY was I wrong.

He responds almost immediately not with a polite decline but with a “Well tbh, I’m thinking it’s probably run its course and time to move on”. WTF?! I don’t even deserve you writing “to be honest” completely out?? I facilitated between bursting into tears or laughter. I typed out 8 different responses and deleted them all. I forwarded the message to my two closest friends and appreciated their utter outrage on my behalf. I remembered back to the time he had mentioned dating crazy girls in the past and I had said I had never gone crazy on a guy before and all my breakups had been mutual and undramatic. And I realized I was about to turn into one of those “crazy girls” on his very flat ass. I seriously pondered on driving over to his house, knocking on his door, and hitting him over the head with the closet thing I could find. I thought about posting his number on craigslist and saying “free plasma tv, but please only contact between 2am-4am” or even creating a fake instagram account and posting his number on the photos of every disney celebrity I could think of.

I was ridiculously offended that he didn’t even take the time to include a cliche “I think you’re amazing but I’m not ready for what you want”. Who breakups with someone like “Well tbh, I’m thinking it’s probably run its course and time to move on”. He didn’t even have enough balls to use relationship, he called our situation “it”. And the whole “it’s probably run its course” immediately reminded me of how a virus will run its course and move onto its next victim. Was I the virus or was he??

But the most embarrassing and personally aggravating thought I had was that I desperately hoped and hated myself for this hope that he would follow up with an “lol just trolling you”. In fact it’s been almost 12 hours since the Text Apocalypse (I think I need to come up with a better name for it, maybe Text-magedon?) and I’m still every few seconds hitting the home button on my phone to see if he’s finally called the joke off. How pathetic is that?? Nothing makes me more furious than looking and feeling pathetic.

In case you’re wondering I followed up after his Text Apocalypse with the only retort that a girl who routinely has had outrageous things in the past happen to her can: with humor. I hit enter on “three crying I’m laughing so hard emojis”, then sent a “Hahaha” (thought about using all caps but didn’t want to seem manic), and finally the grand finale “Thanks for that I haven’t laughed that hard in a while”.

I forwarded the screenshot to my sister and she replied with “He’s going to be so thrown by that response” and I went: “Good, that’s the point”. His cruelty is just fuel for my next article. Mic drop, hasta la vista, asshole TC mark

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