Occasionally you have to fake it until you make it. I know that this is a cliche you’ve heard many times before, but have you ever actually tried it? Cliches don’t become ‘cliche’ unless a lot of people believe in what they’re implying. Feel free to test this, even if it’s just for a day or two. Pretend that you’re in the right career, pretend that you haven’t been sad at all for the last few weeks, pretend that you’re powerful and comfortable and know exactly who you are. Sometimes a little confidence, even if it begins as a front, is the final piece to the puzzle.
You’ve had chains wrapped around your ankles for so long now that you hardly ever notice their weight anymore. Don’t get me wrong, it’s wonderful that you’ve found a way to cope with the things that try to drag you down. But it seems like you’ve become so complacent in this state of being that you’ve given up on escape. Like you’re an audience member to your own existence. But you aren’t, even though life comes at you so viciously sometimes. You are in charge of your body, and in charge of what you do with it. Now use it.
There’s always something about the early days of autumn that make you feel as though anything is possible, and this year you should take advantage of that. Now is not the time to play it safe or rein in your grand ideas: now is the time to give them life. You’ve become an expert at putting things on hold for circumstances that are outside of your control and putting an end to that is overdue. The world isn’t always going to give you a green light to move on, sometimes you have to build it yourself. Sometimes you just have to go for it.
The world is already cruel enough without adding your own self-doubt into the mix. I think it’s time that you start being kinder to yourself. You’ve been through so much, after all; nobody is expecting you to be perfect or be immune to making mistakes. Take some time to reward yourself for the positive things you’ve accomplished. Buy that coffee, watch that movie, put your feet up and relax. You are so good at making the people around you feel content, apply that talent to your own life.
There’s been so much in front of you lately, both positive and negative, that you’ve been letting everything behind you fade into the background. And while moving forward is necessary in order to survive, the things you’ve already experienced are learned lessons that you shouldn’t forget so easily. Do you remember the last thing you cried over? Do you remember why it made you so sad? Now, put that feeling in a bubble and don’t let yourself make the same choices that led you to that feeling. Your past matters, but it will never own you. There’s a difference.
Life can be pretty overwhelming sometimes, can’t it? You aren’t overreacting if lately you’ve felt as though the planet has been taking a toll on you. Just remember, it’s good that you’re busy and that you’re involved with what’s going on around you. There was a time when a past version of yourself wouldn’t have dared to lay their heart out as boldly as you do now, and your progress is cause for celebration. Take everything one day at a time, if it’s getting to be too much. Breathe. Take breaks when needed. Persevere.
Everything in your life feels like a big quilt of sorts, every event and person and memory connected to another by a few threads and some time. Lately you’ve found yourself wondering about what the significance of all of that is. But maybe the meaning isn’t within the connections themselves, but in the person that’s tied them all together. You have created a vast network of friends and feelings and you’ve brought positivity and good vibes to every link in this chain of relationships. These interconnected moments all call your heart home. Embrace their warmth.
So, you’re still attached to a lot of things that you thought you’d be disconnected from by now. There are still regrets and past lovers and half finished letters stuffed underneath your mattress and you’ve accepted that this is how it is. You’ve grown resigned to the fact that some things are impossible to move on from. But I’m here to tell you that nothing can keep you in its grasp unless part of you is letting it. If you own a pair of scissors, why aren’t you using them to cut the strings that are tied around you? What possible reason is there to keep suffering?
It’s easy to look in a mirror and point out the parts of yourself that make building relationships difficult. You find yourself constantly having to relearn how to touch people without hurting them or yourself in the process. It isn’t your fault that you’ve tried to give affection to people that are unworthy of it, it’s their fault for fooling you into thinking they deserved what you were providing. Just because this hasn’t been working out for you lately, doesn’t mean that it won’t ever. You are lovable even when nobody is loving you.
Enjoying your accomplishments without thinking about the people that should be there celebrating with you is something that you still struggle with from time to time. It’s okay to be sad that there are certain moments you’ll never be able to share with those that would’ve understood your happiness; it isn’t fair that you’ve had to mourn so many missed opportunities. But don’t let what’s absent diminish your successes or make you feel as though you aren’t allowed to be proud of yourself. You’re thriving despite all of that negative space and it’s beautiful.
Nothing comes as a surprise to you anymore, but despite that you still find yourself stuck with unrealistic expectations at the end of the day. Either you know that you deserve better and you don’t want to admit it, or you’ve become so comfortable with being disappointed that you’re scared of being anything but. Maybe it’s a little bit of both. Maybe you know what you want and you know that you shouldn’t want it so you’re self-sabotaging any chance you’re given at obtaining happiness. I think that something inside of you knows the answers to these maybe’s. Let it out.
Self-preservation is an art form you’ve become incredibly dedicated to depicting. If your heart were a gallery, there’d be sculptures of brick walls lurking around every corner and self portraits donned with armor cluttering up the walls. There’s nothing wrong with putting yourself first, in fact I would encourage you to always do so. But be careful; there’s a fine line between prioritizing yourself over others and knowingly hurting others in the quest to better yourself. You have to find a balance between the two.