20 Famous Last Words From My Former Flames

Flickr / Manik Rathee
Flickr / Manik Rathee

Let me start off by saying that historically, I have been known to put up with a lot in my quest to find true love (e.g. drug addiction, antagonism towards my world views, hatred of fast food). However, sometimes a well-placed comment at the end of a night is all it takes for me to immediately lose interest in ever seeing you again. Here are just a few gems given by potential suitors right before I wrote them off.

  1. “No, seriously. The Jonas Brothers are my favorite band.”
  2. “Can you turn up the air conditioner? I feel like my pomade is melting.”
  3. “I don’t think you even like…”
  4. “No one wants to see a play about poor people.”
  5. “So is being all over guys a common occurrence with you? Maybe you need a leash.”
  6. “Last night was enriching for me… it served as the last healing ceremony for my broken spirits from my last relationship. Here’s a poem I wrote describing my feelings…”
  7. “The only book I’ve read outside of school is Kobe Bryant’s biography.”
  8. “How many dates should you go on before you tell someone that you are a transgender?”
  9. “All in all, I think polygamy is a good idea.”
  10. “If I found out you were dating someone else, I would kill them.”
  11. “Women shouldn’t be in positions of power; the labor market sours them.”
  12. “I’d let a girl feel me up good if I knew it’d help keep her straight.”
  13. “Well, you’ve made out with all of my friends. It’s my turn now.”
  14. “My mom packed me a lunch.”
  15. “How frequent are your bowel movements?”
  16. “You drive a Rav4? I thought only Dykes drove Rav4’s.”
  17. “You haven’t heard of me? I have a big following on Spotify.”
  18. “I want people to think I’m really nice for dating someone uglier than me.”
  19. “Why don’t you just tell your clients to stop being so fat?”
  20. “I live down the street… in my car.” TC mark

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