I won’t even begin with a dictionary definition for anyone reading this to label what it is. We all know what it is. With your beating heart, you can feel it.
Certainty. Like walking on a tightrope, you are balancing yourself with the joy and thrills that come with romance but the other thing trying you at keeping your balance is certainty, or lack thereof. You are constantly self-conscious of every advancing step you want to take, without proof or assurance that they love you, but you trust them that they will stay true to what they feel about you. Without much to begin with, you are expected to trust that they will not shoot the arrow though every word, sentiment, gesture, even thought is a liability to your ego being threatened. They would know exactly where to hit bull’s-eye, because what you know for sure is that there will not be any other kind of pain conceivably greater than when they leave for some reason or no reason at all.
But even having that sense of assurance I think shouldn’t look like this either: waiting to attain it by analyzing signs and seeing how they project in the future. Instead, I think the way to win in this game is generating it yourself. You are sure because you are sure. As equal partners of the relationship both are mutually trying to build, it’s about the courage to look them in the eye and say “look, I’m here. I will stay no matter what. Are you equally invested as I am?”
Love, I think is being vulnerable first. It’s a form of self-sacrifice of the purest kind. Opening your hand first, to ask for the other’s hand to dive in this together.
If you don’t have the bravery to sacrifice your pride like this, then love won’t come your way.
It’s not about being fixated on figuring out what they feel or think, relying on their fragile emotions then calculating escape routes when things don’t seem to work.
And then the most hurtful that can happen is they may say “No, the feeling is not there anymore.” Even if that happens, you have to pick the pieces of yourself up and own it to yourself that you were once in love, that you gave love a try. The most important thing is, don’t forget to be proud of yourself. You are braver that most people for taking a chance.
You are a warrior in matters of the heart, of your own heart. You’ve lost the fight, but won the battle. Take the bruises and wounds, your battle scars, to the next attempt at love, and the next, and the next.
Love should be, and is, the most wonderful thing in this world. So it shouldn’t come easy.
Have faith that you are walking a journey of wisdom and learning. You will find truth and meaning eventually, if it doesn’t find you first, because you are out there vulnerable, exposed to risk of pain, your heart on your sleeve, but brave.
Here’s to all courageous lovers. The brave, willing to lay one’s soul bare, naked and vulnerable. But never mistaken for weak, we are secure in finding strength from that within ourselves. Love is an endeavor always worth contending for.