I’ll always remember the impression this boy once made on me. He may not have been the most gorgeous guy my eyes have ever laid upon, but he was the most remarkable.
His unusual, quirky smile was like a gateway into his welcoming and sincere heart. His presence was inviting, and his conversation intriguing. I not only found him to be the most adorable person on the planet, but he was also uncommonly kind; the kind of kind that not many people know how to be.
This boy radiated innocence. He didn’t have the masculine facade that so many men hid behind. He didn’t try to impress me, and he didn’t have to. I looked at him and saw perfection. I saw him for every wonderful thing he was, and every miraculous thing he had potential to be. I wanted to love that boy, and even still, I want to eternally be a part of his sweet and innocent world.
But now I see the world has changed him, and at one moment, you were a part of that world.
Even if you didn’t mean to be, you were cruel to him. Even if at the time you wanted him because he made you feel good about yourself, you led him to believe there was more. You created the idea in his mind that he isn’t good enough, and because of that he believes that girls are self-serving felines waiting to sink their claws into the next best thing. He tried to hold and caress you, giving you the unconditional love and affection I wished he would give me, and still you ran.
You wouldn’t know it, but you still cross his mind now and again. He thinks about the girl who hurt him just as everybody thinks of the people who hurt them. We wonder about the people who left us behind; the ones we wanted, who didn’t want us, always imagining that history will repeat itself.
I don’t blame him for being scared, and I don’t blame you for hurting him. But the sad reality is that there are so many things in life we can do that impact another life. What you saw as your harmless fun, was his toxic misery. The way you manipulated a human heart for your own benefit, was his detriment.
It’s the people who think they can just have their cake and eat it too, who leave trails of crumbs behind for others to clean up.
But I will lovingly pick up the pieces to show him that not all women will treat him the way you did. I will repair the self-esteem that you so selfishly demolished. I may have been hurt in the past, but I believe I have had time to heal so that I could be strong for him. I can be strong for him because society tells him that he needs to be the strong one, even when he just needs to be exactly who he is.
I know that eventually he will give me that same inviting smile that I saw so long ago. One day, he will look at me and see someone who will never leave him; and someone who is capable of love and loyalty, who still sees that perfect boy inside him every time I look at him.
I thought I could forever be a part of that sweet and innocent moment we shared together way back when, but the gateway that was once open was boarded up, and all he sees when I am knocking on the door is someone looking to invite myself in, without any intention of staying.
But I will renovate his broken down home, and I’m not going anywhere. Even though you hurt him the way you did, there is nothing and no one on this earth that will make me stop loving that boy I knew; the boy that I still know who was stuck sitting inside, waiting for me.
You see, you may have tried to board up that door, wanting him to yourself but knowing you were not strong enough for him, leaving him an empty shell. But thankfully, you left the light on, and I have followed the light all the way home to where I belong.