Even though I don’t know you yet, you make every day more beautiful. You make the hard days easier; the easy days more peaceful; and the days that are already full of love, somehow seem more full with you beside me.
There are days when the sun is shining down on me, and I smile back; it’s almost like I feel your presence. As if the sun’s rays are pouring your love down on me, and you are telling me everything will be okay.
There are a lot of these days lately. I smile even brighter, because I know you are closer to me than ever.
But today wasn’t one of the easy days. Today I was so overwhelmed that I forgot to look up, and I almost started to cry. I felt alone, but I remembered how you and I both have challenges that we must currently face. That these days are tests to see if I’m ready for you. I tried to be strong, because I know you will be here soon. And that somehow, you are already with me.
You would understand why I broke my diet today; you always understand without me even having to say a word. We would just laugh together about how I almost cried over a cupcake. But you would know it wasn’t just about the cupcake, and I wouldn’t have to explain myself. That’s why I wished you were here today, more than usual.
Today, I wasn’t patient; I reached out to him. I know you’d be sad that I did, because you know how bad he makes me feel. You know I know it too, and you never want me to feel bad about myself. That’s why I smile so much at the thought of you.
But I reached out, and I thought of you when I did. I never want to reach out, and I get mad at myself when I do. But you understand that if you were here, I wouldn’t have to. Nothing about you would ever make me feel like I need anybody. Because we both know I don’t.
He makes me feel like I need him, even still. He has a power over me, and I can hear you telling me to let him go, so that we can be together. And still, he says he supports me, as if he really thinks he does. It almost makes me believe it too. But most of the time he just says it to make himself feel better, thinking I am eating up the words he feeds me.
But I don’t. I never do.
Most of the time they leave me hungry; craving more. Craving you.
I know you understand I let my hunger control me at times, and why I instantly spat his tasteless words back out at him. But you wouldn’t make me feel bad about it. You never do. You would be proud of me, and I know you would. So I didn’t get choked up, because you make everything easier to swallow.
You would understand that the loneliness makes his words taste so sweet. But knowing how beautiful you are, makes him seem so sour. Because I know that the taste of you won’t leave me with a sugar high. It will satisfy me, so that I’m never hungry again.
You understand me so well. You understand that I don’t need your words; I just need your empathy. I don’t need guidance; just your acceptance. And although some days are not so sweet, I don’t need sugar; I just need your beautiful soul. I just need your rays of sunshine that tell me everything will be okay.
And I just want you to know, that you made today beautiful, even though I don’t know you yet.
Brynn Taylor is a poet and the author of (You Broken Me) Open.