I always include the word “sensitive” when I describe my ideal person.
I constantly consider others’ thoughts and have extremely delicate emotions, so the thought of having someone similar seemed like an unwavering recipe for romance.
But it wasn’t until I dated a guy who exceeded my level of sensitivity, that I realized it could kill you.
We were both extremely sensitive and emotional people, and along with that came an overbearing amount of stress. The more the stress piled up, the more defensive and reactive we became, until we were practically walking on eggshells around each other.
When you put so much of your heart on the line, there is always a possibility you will get hurt. When you put too much of your self-worth on the line, there is an even greater possibility of getting hurt and saying things you don’t mean.
Sometimes you become egocentric and stubborn because you need to defend your wounded honor every time you feel judged. Sometimes you respond by completely shutting down. I often fall into a pattern of avoidance, while my ex becomes overzealous and highly reactive.
If you feel threatened frequently, or your emotions become too intense for you to control, then your reactions become detrimental to your health and cause anxiety in your relationships.
I was constantly anxious and felt like I was being observed at all times. I always needed to defend myself, and was hard on myself every emotional outburst. I chalked it up to sensitivity but felt like a victim of my own personality.
I was too aware and too considerate of what other people thought, but it was a habit I wanted to break. I needed a new outlook on relationships that didn’t constantly trigger stress. I needed guidelines to curb the dangers of getting into my own head.
I found a way to heal myself mentally after my internal validity was threatened for so long. Instead of letting my sensitivity concur me, I learned to channel it so it didn’t destroy me.
Whether you feel threatened or you are the threat, maybe these guidelines will help your sensitive heart gain strength.
You don’t need to react to everything that comes your way. It’s normal to want to respond and lash out, but it will make it easier on yourself if you learn to respond peacefully.
If you know yourself and know your worth, then people’s words can’t hurt you. Be aware of who you are and accept every single piece of it, regardless of what anyone tells you.
Then you”ll be able to let people’s words roll off of you, instead of them finding their way into your heart.
Let go of responsibility.
If you’re more intuitive and understanding of others, you may feel defeated sometimes. You may let what others think get lodged into your brain and it can grow and fester.
But it is not your responsibility to get everyone to like you. Sometimes things just happen that are outside of your control. People don’t like you; people leave you for no reason; people make fun of you. That says more about them than it does about you.
You don’t need to fix everything. Stop being hard on yourself just because others are hard on you. Their hatred can’t make you weak, unless you let it.
Always be conscious and committed to your well-being.
You can’t always take accountability for others, but you can take accountability for yourself.
I realized that my sensitivity was becoming an issue when words always hurt. But reflecting on the oppression of my own mind helped me let my walls down, without having them collapse right on top of me.
Whether it’s you or someone else standing in your way, you can’t ever allow yourself to be overcome with anger, frustration, and a feeling of helplessness.
Don’t judge anybody, including yourself.
When you are overcome with grief and anger, you might start to abuse others or yourself. You or someone else could judge you for your uncontrollable reactions and you get into a rut of self-abuse.
I would compare myself to some ideal of how I should be, before I realized it was easier to accept who I truly am.
You can want to grow and change for the better, but setting unrealistic standards for yourself will tear you apart. Remember you are only human, and you should never conform to anyone’s expectations.
Recognize your personal power.
Learn to cultivate love as well as you cultivate stress and grief. If your emotions are so intense and powerful that they can make you feel weak, then you can channel those emotions to make you feel strong.
Reactions are easy. We are conditioned to think that things happen to us. That events are happening to us; break ups are happening to us; sorrow is happening to us; pain is happening to us.
A sensitive soul can start to believe that the world is unfair, and it can make them cold. The goal is to show compassion for yourself, and see yourself as human.
You have power over your reactions and regardless of how sensitive you are, you always have the ability to find forgiveness in your heart and build yourself back up.