If You Don’t Know What You Want, Then Stay the Hell Away From Me

The Notebook
The Notebook

Okay, I admit it.

Sometimes I don’t know what I want. How can I possibly know what I want all the time? It’s just so difficult to make the best decision with absolute conviction.

I mean, I’m always in the mood for any type of food imaginable. On top of that, I’m ALWAYS hungry, so it’s hard to make a logical decision about what I want, when I want literally everything. And not to mention, the CHOICES! What happens if after I order, I CHANGE MY MIND?!

The struggle is just so real.

So yes, I admit it.

If a guy asks me where I’d like to go to eat, I will, more often than not, say I don’t know. Alright? SUE ME. Let’s just say I have a very flexible palette, and I don’t discriminate against food groups. There’s just too much good food out there.

So now, I have a serious question for all the guys in the back.

Do you just have a very flexible palette when it comes to the women you’re dating?

Look, I’m not saying this to be a dick. I’m honestly genuinely concerned that there are men who might not know what they want when it comes to choosing a woman. Especially when it comes to being with that woman for the rest of their life.

I’ve dated plenty of these confused guys, and spent years in relationships with them, so I think it’s a pretty a valid concern.

And while those years of dating were absolutely wonderful and taught me a lot about myself — they were difficult. They made me question if I had the qualities that a guy was looking for. And they almost always consisted of the guy saying some pretty hurtful things about me as a person, when really, my qualities were just fine. They just weren’t ones he wanted at the time, or ones he was ready for.

And that’s OKAY. Nobody’s perfect.

But, it’s impossible to be with anybody and have a fulfilling relationship when you don’t know what you’re looking for.

It’s so important for someone’s well being and self esteem, to go into a relationship saying, “Hey, if this doesn’t work out, it could just be me not knowing what I want.” There’s absolutely nothing wrong with this girl, but I never took the time to figure out how I’m going to feed MYSELF for the rest of my life, and I can’t pull someone into that.

You have to make sure your belly is full, before you even begin to think about satisfying someone else’s craving.

And these guys definitely knew what I wanted. They knew I was ready, and craving a guy who had all the qualities I was looking for. The qualities I thought about and spoke of time and time again.

Maybe they truly wanted me to believe they had these qualities. Even though all it meant was that they had to be ready to give them to me, and they deep down knew they couldn’t.

It’s not that I blame these people for not knowing what they want or not giving me what I wanted.

It’s not easy giving someone what THEY want, when you don’t even know what you want for yourself.

And honestly, if I had to pick one food to eat for the rest of my life, I would probably start having a mini panic attack.

It’s a HARD decision to make when you’re dealing with that level of commitment. It’s hard when you’re confused and dealing with a woman who’s saying, I know what I want, and I’m ready to do whatever it takes.

There’s probably plenty of men who will try, but ultimately just say, screw it. And those men decide that they won’t commit to anyone, so that they can explore their flexible palette for a while, or maybe even the rest of their life.

And hey man, you do you. I’m not going to tell you how to spend your one and only life. Take as long as you need to figure it out.

Please, for everyone’s sake.

But I will tell you one thing:

If you don’t know what you want, then please stay the hell away from me.

I don’t want to spend MY one and only life, helping YOU figure out if you want to be with me or not. It is not my job to feed you, and I don’t need to prove that I am more than capable of doing so.

Truthfully, there are times that I can’t make up my mind. Times when I think I want Chinese food, but maybe I really want Mexican. Yet I know that sooner or later, I have to start driving to a restaurant, or I’m going to starve.

When it comes down to it, I pick the meal that’s going to make me the happiest and give me the most satisfaction. When there’s someone involved besides myself, we communicate, and pick the meal that will make both of us happy. All it takes is knowing what you want, and knowing what it takes to get it.

And isn’t that what a relationship is? Picking where you both want to eat until one of you dies?

No, but in all seriousness, how do we let relationships go on for so long when someone involved doesn’t know what they want? There’s a total lack of communication. That’s like eating a cheeseburger everyday of your life to make someone happy, when you’re vegan.

And sure, we all make mistakes. We all want to believe something will work when it NEVER will. But we shouldn’t keep forcing ourselves to make the same mistakes over and over. It’s extremely unhealthy, and we don’t learn anything that way.

Most men know what would satisfy them in terms of women. A man wants the woman who is smart, funny, outgoing, radiant, strong and has whatever qualities are attractive to him. The woman who makes him a better man.

Most of the time, that isn’t that hard to find. It’s hard not to notice the confidently stunning woman when she walks into a room. Every guy wants that girl, and it might be a challenge to get her to walk over to you, so you put your best foot forward to impress her.

But once you get there, prove to her that you know what it takes to keep her. Prove to her that she is the one that you have been waiting for and tell her why.

Tell her what sets her apart from the next stunningly radiant woman who would’ve walked into the room. And if you don’t know what that is, then you don’t deserve her.

Until you decide that you’re ready to feed this woman what she wants every day of her life, it’s unfair to take her away from her happiness to temporarily complete your idea of what might possibly make you happy.

Remember she’s not a happy meal, she’s a filet mignon.

And no, I’m not saying that women are pieces of meat. I’m saying they are more valuable to you when treated the way they deserve to be treated. If you want the cheap and easy satisfaction, then that’s what you’ll get in return.

I know that every guy wants this type of sweetness on his plate. Who isn’t drawn to a beautiful piece of cake? But if you’re going to get greedy and start picking up some crumbs on the side, then you don’t get any of the goods.

If you’re going to decide that maybe you want Thai instead of Japanese, then you have to decide BEFORE you start making your way towards one or the other. Because once you start eating, you’re paying for it.

We aren’t talking about only one stomach here, we’re talking about someone’s happiness. A woman is deserving of happiness because she truly wants to give you all you can eat, but be careful. If you deprive her of the meal she deserves, she won’t be able to give you her all.

If want to have your cake, and eat it too, then I’m sorry, but this restaurant is shutting down for business until you’re ready to pay what your meal is worth. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Brynn is a 20-something-year-old girl who has more experience with love than she bargained for.

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