This Is What Happens When You’re Too Understanding

I’m the type of person who is constantly empathizing with people by trying to place myself in their shoes, and imagining how situations would look from their perspectives. I am always open to seeing things from another viewpoint, to the point that it sometimes becomes detrimental to myself. I don’t just give out second chances. I give out third, and fourth, and fifth chances. I give out chances until I have nothing else to give.

I give them out until I reach the point where giving out one more chance would be enough to destroy me from the inside.

As you can imagine, living this way leaves me vulnerable to being taken advantage of. I’m forever searching for the balance between being a doormat and just simply being a very understanding person. I put other people’s feelings ahead of my own, because I am constantly second guessing my interpretation of events.

Someone could do something that upsets me, and although I may feel hurt I am quick to brush it aside. I give them excuses before they even have to. “Maybe they have a reasonable explanation. Maybe if I put myself in their shoes I’ll understand. Nobody’s world revolves around me so I should be careful not to take things too personally.” 

This way of living can blow up in your face.

I am learning that it is important to not lose yourself in the process of valuing other people’s perspectives. To anybody who is relating to the things I’ve said thus far, I need you to understand some things. You are worthy of respect.

You are worthy of attention. Your time is just as valuable as anybody else’s. It’s nice to be understanding and lenient when people genuinely deserve it, but be wary of the people who make a habit out of taking advantage of your leniency. Do not bend over backwards for somebody who can’t be bothered to lift a finger for you.

It hurts when you realize that the person whose feelings you have been placing above your own couldn’t be bothered to think of your feelings at all, let alone make them a priority. Please stop making excuses for people who do not deserve to be let off the hook so easily, whether they be friends, lovers, or even family members.

If someone is consistently ignoring you or flaking on you, they do not care about you even half as much as you do them. You do not have to feel bad about calling them out or even cutting them out. Asking to be treated with respect, and not an afterthought, does not make you crazy, and it is not asking too much. Stop letting your feelings fall by the wayside due to not wanting to make someone who treats you poorly feel uncomfortable. Your self-worth is so much more important than giving someone multiple chances at making up lame excuses that you know are lies anyways.

Save your perspective-taking and understanding for the people in your life who have consistently proven that they respect and value you. Sometimes even these people will disappoint you without meaning to. The difference is that they do not make a habit out of doing so, and will make every effort in making it up to you when they do. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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