Girls, He’s Not Your Everything

Wait. Before you get all mad and defensive, just hear me out for a sec. Don’t kill me just yet.

Yes, I’m sure you can’t stop smiling when you see him. And his big brown eyes make you melt when you look into them. I get it. I’ve been there, too. But here’s the thing about crushes: girls put guys on a pedestal.

Let’s make a hypothetical situation. There’s a boy named James. He’s 6’2, perfect blue eyes, senior captain of the football team, graduating with honors. Everytime he walks past your lunch table, you can’t breathe. Every time you hear “You Belong With Me,” your thoughts drift to him.
James can do no wrong. He’s flawless. Untouchable, even.

When he speaks to you, it’s the highlight of your day. But he’s so perfect, that you can’t get yourself to speak to him in fear of rejection.

When you idolize someone like that, you’re instantly comparing yourself. Phrases like “He’s too good for me” and “I’m not pretty enough for him” are dangerous. You don’t even realize that you’re putting yourself down.

So you stay in this anxiety-inducing limbo, where you wait day after day for the moment he finally decides that he’s been in love with you for all of this time, and he wants to get married and live happily ever after.

News flash: that won’t happen. Not because you’re not pretty or popular enough for him. Simply because he has no idea.

There’s a pretty good chance he hasn’t thought of you that way. You’re merely his friend or acquaintance and it never occurred to him that you’re interested.

Please put yourself out there. Please ask him to get ice cream with you this weekend. Ask for his number so you can talk to him, and when you get it, don’t just ask about the homework in Calc class. I’m not suggesting that you confess to your everlasting love for him, but start a real conversation. Learn all about him and let him learn about you, too. And if, by this point, you still think he’s an amazing guy, put yourself out there. Tell him.

But make sure you let go of the old mindset. Be objective. Is he the guy that would fight for you? Would he take the time to wipe your tears when you feel like your world is falling apart? Does he really see your beauty?

If you answered yes to these questions, tell him.

Yeah, I know. Easier said than done. But it’s as simple as this: if you do, you’re free of it all. If you don’t, you’ll never know.

I can guarantee you’re thinking to yourself, “But what if I get rejected?” And yes, that’s valid. It’s an awful feeling. But if he doesn’t see your beauty, why would you want him anyway?
Girls, take a step back and think about it. He’s just a boy. You’ll probably come across a million of them in your lifetime. Put yourself on that pedestal and find someone who puts you up there, too. Don’t let a boy make you feel inferior. They can go back to Jupiter where they belong.