I Fell For The Guy Who Was Supposed To Be A Rebound

Flickr / Nicki Varkevisser
Flickr / Nicki Varkevisser

The rebound guy, that’s what I thought you were, but here we still are, four months after I decided you would just be a rebound. You are the rebound that I cannot shake myself from. Here we are still, just barely hanging on. Going around in circles. We lost each other for awhile, but we still somehow found our way back to each other, but why, you were just the rebound guy….or so I thought.

Everyone else’s name pops up on my phone except yours. Those three little letters are all that I want to see. I want to see your face. I want to be able to examine every little detail about you again. The way that little scar on your nose looks so perfect; it’s a perfect imperfection. I want to run my fingers through your silky and perfect hair. The first time I knew I had “fallen” for you all I wanted to do was run my fingers through that perfect hair while I was taking care of you because you had drank too much, you were so embarrassed, but I loved being able to take care of you.

You think you’re far from perfect, but I was there to prove that wrong to you. I was supposed to be the girl of your wildest dreams, if only you would’ve let me be. The way you would look at me, its like nothing I have ever experienced before. I just knew there were so many unspoken words in the way that you looked at me. I’ll never forget as I was leaving your room to go to the bathroom you gave me the most sincere look as if you had “fallen”. I never got to further explore or question you about that look, but I knew it was a special look.

You’re so silly, you’re a dork, and you’re a nerd. Most girls wouldn’t like all of those things, but that is exactly what I loved about you. You were so odd in so many great ways and I just knew we were brought together for a reason. The way we would tease each other was so mean, but it contained so much passion. That’s what our whole existence together was, in one word: passion. Our chemistry was undeniable. We clicked in a way that I never have with anyone else before. Things were so easy when we were together, I felt so content with you by my side. I’ll never forget when we walked through the cold dark park arms around each other, our bodies as close as could be to stay warm. You opened the door for me when we got back to your car, which was the first and last time that would happen. You let me in for a brief moment of time. Only to shut me out soon after. You would show small signs of affection every once in a while that I would cherish. Then I think you would realize what you were doing and you would stop because you couldn’t let yourself get any closer to me.

I’ve tried to block you out of my life, I tried to stop talking to you, but then you send a text that truly has no message worth responding to, but the meaning behind it is so much greater. You still reach out to me, why do you torture me? I have tried erasing you from my life, but you creep back in and come back even stronger than before. You were just the rebound boy that turned into so much more.

It’s so hard for me to not respond to you, or act like I don’t care. I care so much, I want to ask you a million questions, but I don’t because I am not supposed to act like I care. It’s easier to act like I don’t care because then I somehow can’t get hurt, but I still got hurt. You came like a beautiful storm into my life and left with no warning. We were a hot burning flame, just like the place we met, with so much passion that burned out as quickly as we started. I wonder if you ever think about me how I think about you. I will never know, but when I see those three little letters that contain so much meaning to me pop up on my phone I know you have thought about me. It takes so much of me to push back that creeping up smile when I see those three little letters.

There is so much more I could say. I have so many thoughts of you, so many memories from the short time we existed. Everywhere I go and everything I see somehow reminds me of you. The little things you taught me, the little things you showed me, they all creep back in. I will never know what made you pull away, why you wouldn’t let me in. Were you scared? Embarrassed? I will never truly know, but I will always wonder.

It’s so hard for me to let someone in again because you couldn’t let me in. I can’t let anyone in because what if you come back and want to let me in? What if you realize that I was the girl of your dreams, I don’t want it to be too late. For now you haven’t realized that, maybe one day when you’re sober you will. Maybe one day you will give me the time I truly deserve. Until then, you will always be on my mind.

You were just the rebound guy who I completely fell for. TC mark

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