20 Reasons Why Having Huge Boobs Actually Really Sucks

I have big boobs that are 100% natural. It sucks. Kate Upton once said, “I wish I had smaller boobs everyday of my life.” Well, I do too just like her.
When I was a kid, my female friends stuffed socks down their shirts in order to have “boobs”. I did not partake in this activity and prayed that I would not get ginormous knockers. However, I did and none of my childhood friends did. I believe I am cursed for not stuffing socks down my shirt. I suffer everyday in misery now because of my boobs. You do not want big boobs. If you are fully grown and PROPERLY measured, big boobs does not mean a D cup. Your boobs are closer in size to an A cup than they are mine honey. Average does not mean big.
The only real perk of my chest that has been worth it is my ability to hide things in my bra and cleavage. Once I stuffed like eight cameras down my cleavage and snuck them into a Blink-182 concert.
However, overall your life will be pretty annoying.
Shutterstock
Shutterstock

1. Wearing a DD bra in 6th grade isn’t fun. Your boobs will be bigger than the average adult when all my friends are still wearing training bras. It will make you look so old 30-year-olds will think it is okay to hit on you.

2. Not finding out your actual real bra size for several years later because none of the stores know how to correctly measure a bra. You will be jammed into a DD USA bra when you really are closer to a ridiculous size that you had n . The tiny bras will cause damage to your breasts.

3. Now that you know your real size you have almost no options! It’s basically a high end department store or the internet! Have fun paying 100 bucks for one freakin’ bra that you will have to replace in six months because it will lose all of it’s support from the band.

4. Still not being able to find sports bras in your cup size so you just go and buy 3XXL bras from Dick’s Sporting Goods and wear them over your actual bra. One of these bras will break and snap in your face while you are playing sports. You will quit the sport you play because it hurts too much.

5. To attempt to run when required, you will have to hold your breasts with your hands so they at least kind of don’t move.

6. Your doctor will tell you that you need a breast reduction at 15-years-old.

7. Your back will always somehow hurt, even if you are wearing the right size bra.

8. Good luck doing a pushup in high school gym class! Your boobs that stick out about a foot from your body are going to have some real fun.

9. In high school, you will be told you have the biggest boobs in the whole school. You will be given a nickname that involves boobs.

Helga Esteb / Shutterstock.com
Helga Esteb / Shutterstock.com

10. You will not be able to find a swimsuit that fits. You will have to take high school swimming where they require a one piece, which is impossible to wear if you are stacked. You will have to wear a bra under your one piece swimsuit that makes you choke to death because it is so tight on your chest.

11. You will not be able to buy a dress for prom. The dress will have to be about 10 sizes larger than the rest of your body and all the alterations will fuck the dress-up. Somehow the dress will still be too big for the rest of your body but suffocating your breasts at prom night still.

12. You will then worry that you will never be able to get married because there is no possible way your boobs will be able to fit in a wedding dress.

13.You will go to college and desperately look to see if someone has bigger boobs than you. Nope, hipsters tend to be pretty uh flat.

14. Instead of looking in your eyes while talking to you, men will stare at your boobs.

15. Homosexual men and straight women will even stare at your boobs when they talk to you because they are “OMG so big!”

16. Food and crumbs will land in your cleavage. This will make dating awkward.

17. You will store things in your cleavage and then lose them because your cleavage has too much space.

18. Your boobs will stick out so much that they will bump into things and bump them over.

19.You won’t be able to see your fit when you look down, just boobs. This is bad if you are klutzy.

20. And worst of all, good fucking luck trying to buy clothing! Things that are almost impossible to wear: button down shirts, blouses, turtleneck sweaters, short shirts, baby doll tops, anything with a boob line (it is supposed to be at the waist, it will land at your nipple), any shirt without stretch, almost any sort of uniform (your cleavage will be in violation), cut out tops, strapless tops, one shoulder tops, tops with thin straps, overalls, any dress that does not have a ridiculous amount of stretch, and so much more. Alterations cost way too much money, taking in over ten inches everywhere is unrealistic, and you will probably have to buy all your clothing at some ugly, not trendy store to get a size large enough to fit the boobs in the first place. Have fun only being able to wear huge, hippie like shirts, men’s band shirt, sweaters, dresses so stretchy they look like spandex, or things from pin-up clothing style stores. You will learn to really love being frumpy or looking like you are Joann from Mad Men.

There are a lot more annoying things, but I’d be writing for days. My boobs are making it extremely uncomfortable to type anymore. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Related

More From Thought Catalog