1. Your friends spend their entire time telling you how much amazing sex they’ve had. You exhausted all of the wild positions, public places and kinky outfits a long time ago and now a quickie in your bed whilst wearing your big black knickers is all you’ll get.
2. You’ve lost count of how many times people have asked you when you’re having children. Seriously people, I have no urgent wish to grow something inside my womb right now.
3. You get fat. Unfortunately your man needs feeding and whenever you want to try out those #eatclean recipes that have taken over your Instagram he just moans about how he needs to eat carbs and meat. No super-berry and quinoa salads for you.
4. And when it comes to grocery shopping, you’ve had to cut out shopping for your much loved foods like blueberry muffins years ago because he insists he’s “allergic”.
5. When you go out with your friends, they seem to manage to squeeze in the fact that you have a boyfriend to every man they meet – which means you attract absolutely zero attention from anyone with a penis.
6. You get frowned at when you go on a shopping spree. When you were single no one cared whether or not you spent half of your wages on a new pair of jeans. But you now have stealth like a ninja in order to smuggle shopping bags into the house and just hope he doesn’t look at the credit card bills.
7. Buying your man birthday and Christmas presents gets hard. Seriously, you exhausted all possible options a few years ago. So, I guess another pair of socks will do then?