Inner Monologue Of Someone Trying To Choose Something To Watch On Netflix

Netflix
Netflix

Nope.

Nope.

NOPE.

Nop— oh hey, what’s that one about? Hmm. Sounds interesting. But first, let’s do a quick search on IMDB. Anything under seven stars just won’t cut the mustard tonight. Gimme a sec, it’s loading….and OH MY GOD – – 6.6/10 based on 33 user reviews. Absolute shit. We might as well watch Grown Ups. Close call.

What else do we have here? Oooh, “Critically Acclaimed Documentaries” – exotic! These all sound like a super fun time, but do I really want to spend an hour and a half learning about a man who makes hipster lip wax? Sorry Burt, but I’m putting you in the “maybe” pile for now.

I could always start a new TV series…

Nope.

No.

Jesus christ, Grey’s Anatomy is still on? I should really catch up. But they’re missing a few seasons and if I can’t watch all 96 episodes consecutively, what’s the point?

Next.

Next.

Sorry, but Kevin Spacey’s fake accent is just too much. Next.

Here we go! I’ll watch West Wing! Yeah, that’s the ticket! A nice hearty, Sheen-y political drama! By the time I finish, I’ll basically have a degree in political science. This will be great. How many seasons are there?

Wow. Really? And how many episodes per?

Seriously? An hour each?

Fuck. That.

Oh my. “Because You Watched Along Came Polly” – – this ought to be good.

Nope.

Too depressing.

Too cheesy.

Too serial-killer-y.

I actually really want to see that one, but not tonight, you know?

Ugh.

Why does this happen to me night after night? As a kid, I’d go to the local video store every weekend and pick out – almost at random – seven movies (for seven dollars, for seven days) and almost never find myself disappointed. I used to love the discovery of new stories, especially the ones I chose blindly. But now I require carefully researched, peer-verified certainty before making a choice on something as trivial as home cinema. When did I lose my sense of adventure? Why does this excess of entertainment leave me absolutely paralyzed?

When did I become so afraid of making the wrong choice?

Hold up. I think this one’s a serious contender. Great cast, cool premise, awesome star rating – it’s everything I’m looking for. It checks out on IMDB, has a cool soundtrack and even won a couple Oscars. It’s the perfect choice. I can’t think of a single reason not to watch this film.

I’ll definitely come back to it if I can’t find anything better. TC mark

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