Let me guess – you’re looking for your dream girl.
I don’t blame you. It’s an admirable pursuit. I’m sure you already have your criteria figured out (a mix of beautiful looks, quick-witted charm, and a predictably eclectic interest in bands like Cut Copy and not Mumford & Sons) but I’m here to offer a different kind of relationship tip – one that I believe to be truly invaluable.
The more you know about the world, the more interesting you become, and that’s what makes or breaks a relationship. You must fascinate one another and there’s nothing more fascinating than the front page of the news. Let me sum it up with a simple equation:
Ignorance = huge turn off.
Cultural awareness = big time bonerz.
So choose a woman who wouldn’t set a fucking foot in Russia. You don’t need her to boycott the Olympics or picket for Pussy Riot, but you at least want someone who grasps and is truly frightened by the insanity happening under Dick Tater Putin.
Date a girl who knows about the latest cheese recalls. You’ll thank her when she’s yanking the contaminated Manchego out of your grubby paws before it’s too late. She’s got your back, and besides, she read in the food section that Roquefort pairs way better with that vino you’re sipping.
Take her out for Chinese and watch as she douses her General Tao in red rooster Sriracha sauce. Apparently they might have to shut down one of their production plants and a supply shortage could very well be looming. She’s seizing the sauce while she still can. That’s hot.
She should know who the hell Malala Yousafzai is. Again, she doesn’t have to be a die-hard activist (quite frankly, she doesn’t even need to know how to pronounce her name) but she should certainly understand the volatile state of international gender equality and appreciate the courageous women who are fighting to win the rights that she’s (thankfully) been granted already.
Send her a link to this week’s Modern Love column from the NY Times and have her tell you that she’s already read it. Talk about it instead. It wasn’t very good, was it? Did she like the part about the turtle? You’re right; the turtle meant something different entirely. Who needs a book club when you have someone that’s interested in the same op-ed pieces as you? When was the last time you had sex with someone from your book club?
Date someone who’s familiar with Bill de Blasio even though they live in Boulder.
And why yes, she does have a position on drone strikes, thanks for asking. She’ll explain it eloquently and then move on to Syria. Maybe she’s for intervention. Perhaps she’s against the concept of world policing. Either is fine and far sexier than apathy. It’s about passion people. Passion for something and anything.
I can’t think of anything more unattractive than someone who purposefully avoids the news. Actually, leprosy is up there. But a lack of interest in world affairs is indicative of something far worse: self-obsession.
If they can’t find a moment to glimpse around at the world outside their Instagram feed, they’ll never learn to appreciate what they do and don’t have. You don’t need a Rhodes scholar, but a sense of curiosity, compassion and comprehension is a great place to begin.
And remember, FOX doesn’t count.