A Warning To The New Girl: He’s Not As Sweet As He Lets On

girl grey hair and glasses
Kenneth Dapaah

You’ve taken my spot in his bed so you think you’ve won. If your prize is getting to be with him, you should reevaluate what it means to win, because generally, a reward is a good thing, and let me tell you, he is not a good thing.

I know this because I was the first one who showed him unconditional love, sacrifice and commitment. I pretty much did anything and everything this man wanted, and it still wasn’t enough.

I was with him years before you were even on his radar, so I have just a few pieces of advice for you before he ruins your life like he ruined mine.

Don’t show any sign of weakness. If you aren’t the perfect girl you first appeared to be, he’ll change his demeanor towards you real quick. The second you’re sick or hurt, he can’t deal with it. He’ll tell you he’s unsure of whether or not he can be with a sick person. I should have walked out the door the moment those words came out of his mouth, but I didn’t and I suffered the most.

Be ready to have an answer for every penny spent. If you spend any money on yourself, he’ll criticize you for it, calling you vain or superficial. Meanwhile, you ask him the same questions about where money went, and he won’t answer. He’ll avoid the questions because he knows he’s spending almost $600 per month on beer alone while I am working my ass off to put food on the table.

He’ll never apologize even if it’s clear he’s in the wrong. He completely lacks self-awareness, so if you expect him to take responsibility for his actions, you’ll be waiting a long time. I’m still waiting but thankfully, I am not holding my breath.

Don’t let him see your negative emotions. God forbid you have feelings besides ones for him. If you want to talk to him about something that upsets you, or if you cry in front of him, he’ll head for the hills. He’ll say you’re being dramatic or exaggerating things. He’ll never validate your feelings or truly even listen.

If you keep giving him the things he wants, he’ll take advantage. Buying him things or doing stuff for him won’t fix your relationship or make him love you. But he will stay in the relationship to reap the benefits as long as he can. He walked out on me never to be heard from after I dipped into my retirement account to pay for rent, utilities, food and everything else.

Don’t expect him to be there for you even though you were there for him. You were there when he needed you, but the minute you need support, he’ll call you out for doing a good thing only because you wanted something done for you in return. He will pretend like he’s listening but even if you turn off all the TV’s and video games in the house and you’re explaining things to him with no noise, he still won’t hear you.

You want closure? Good luck. You’ll be blaming yourself for months for no good reason. And he will randomly come around to tell you that he just wasn’t in the relationship anymore. As if you didn’t get the hint when he left.

He’ll be emotionally withdrawn from you and the relationship while you’re fighting and putting every fiber of your existence into a relationship that’s already over. He’ll never have the balls to give you closure because he is a coward and couldn’t care less that he flipped my world upside down in a matter of seconds.

Save yourself the drama, endless headaches and chaos of this monster who considers himself a man. Unless you’re a puppet he can toy around with and do whatever he pleases, you will not be good enough for him.

But, you are good enough. And you don’t deserve to be put through the hell of a roller coaster he will undoubtedly put you on. As they say, misery loves company.

It’s in his nature. He fears happiness. He is scared of commitment. He lacks a meaningful and purposeful life. Do not let him rob you of yours. Do not allow him the power to feed into your insecurities because of his own. I’ve told you the basics and now, the choice is all yours.

If you pursue it, good luck. You’ll need it. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Licensed professional therapist and certified rehabilitation counselor

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