I’ve been through hell and back to become the person I am today. I have fought battles that many couldn’t even fathom fighting. I looked death in the eye, staring into the 9 millimeter gun I had to my forehead. After all of that, you think I’m going to settle for mediocre? You think all your punk asses that recently screwed with my head and toyed with my heart is going to knock me down? You soul sucking leeches can latch on elsewhere. And if you think you got me and hurt me, you’re dead wrong. You ignited the fire that burns deep within me.
Given my awful track record in terms of relationships, you’d think I had learned a few things here and there. But no…I am still attracting soul sucking douchebags and scum of the earth. I’m sure you’re wondering ‘how the hell has she not learned a damn thing from these horrific experiences’ and I ask myself the same things over and over again.
But here’s what you don’t learn in school everyone…manipulators and users have mastered the craft of lying and using and are considered experts in that field. They can fool even the smartest of the bunch. Trust me, I know.
What gets me is that these awful people who use and abuse people are able to lay their head down at night and justify their actions so they could sleep at night. Hey, douchebags, you really don’t deserve to sleep after your shitty behavior.
Maybe you should spend sleepless nights and what seemed to be endless tears reflecting on your shitty self so maybe you can avoid hurting others in the future. But really, which of you douchebags would actually take the time to figure out why you’re being a shitty person? That’s what I thought, none of you.
The few of you who played me for a fool, just remember it was a temporary situation. Just like everything else in your miserable and sad world. You’ll never experience true love, companionship or true happiness. At least at the end of my day, I can say I loved fearlessly and unconditionally and that I was the best person I could be that day. Then, as I reflect on my day, I do what I have to in order to be a better person the following day.
That’s what decent human beings do. Take responsibility and hold themselves accountable for their own actions and change what needs to be changed. But that just takes too much work and it’s easier to stuff it down and move on to the next not realizing how many people you’ll hurt by not working through your shit.
Who can I blame for the shitty things people do to others? Who can I blame for the hate and selfishness in so many people? It’s becoming incredibly difficult to find purity in people because so many are covered with masks. It’s becoming more and more difficult to come across truthful people.
I can say that through my trials and tribulations that I am who I am and I won’t hide or censor myself because of someone else. I am sassy AF with a big mouth and a heart of gold. I have an attitude and I’m a firecracker. Don’t like it? You know where the door is.
I no longer have time, energy or patience for part-time people in my life. You’re either all in or on your way out the door. Don’t let it hit you on the way out. I don’t have a place for negativity in my life because you are what you surround yourself by. And I don’t want to be anything but positive and happy.
I have finally come to the realization that there may not be many of fish in the sea for me but there is one. If we just so happen to cross paths, then the pieces will fall into place. If we do not cross paths, I’d be content with being single for the rest of my time here on earth. I know my value. I know my worth. I know what I deserve and I know what I am willing to compromise on and what I’m not.