Some things you should keep in mind and be aware of when it comes to a girl with a history of abuse.
No one deserves to be abused in any way, shape or form. Regardless of how long someone stays in the relationship, it is NEVER their fault for the abuse. Make sure you reiterate that to your partner over and over again. You’re going to have to be louder than the demons they’re fighting daily. They first step is to know what it’s like inside the mind of a person who has experienced abuse in any form. Ready?
1. She beats herself up mentally and emotionally.
They will ask questions like “How did I allow this to happen” or “is this all I’ll ever be worth” in attempts to find a reason or answer for why the abuse happened. More often than not, an answer is never really found. Some victims may go through all of the situations within the abusive relationship and attribute some part of the situation, such as saying “fuck you” and place the blame on themselves for saying it.
Those who are important to the victim need to understand that this is totally normal. It’s a way of coping even if it doesn’t make sense to you or anyone else. Victims to through their own unique process of dealing with the abuse. Usually this search is in the very beginning after separation. Please just remain patient and allow them to go through the motions.
2. She does not trust easily.
Let’s be real here, can you blame her? Is she wrong for having doubts or thinking someone has a hidden agenda? Absolutely not. So, you have two choices, my friend. You can either walk away and spare wasted time and energy or fight for her and never stop.
3. She is afraid.
She’s afraid of being hurt again. She didn’t think anyone would ever hurt her the way he did. He was so nice to her and treated her like a queen in the beginning. It quickly turned into threats and false accusations. Not even a month later, he’s cornering her and slamming her into the bathtub. After that, he liked to drag her down the long hallway and throw her outside in the dead of winter.
4. She hides her scars.
Who would want to see those scars? I’ll tell you who. Someone who isn’t afraid of her past and willing to fight for a future with her. She’s ashamed. She feels damaged. She feels no one will ever like her for who she is, especially with all of the trauma and “baggage” she brings.
5. She is startled.
Just be aware of how you close doors or surprising her from behind. The last time someone surprised her by standing behind her was when he choked her until she was unconscious. That will lessen with time but it may not go away forever. I’m sure you don’t want to hurt her but can you imagine the pain and suffering she was put through? She’s one tough chick to still be standing with confidence and stronger than ever.
6. She has a big heart.
She knows what it’s like to have her heart destroyed. She may come off as tough or have that tough exterior but she has the heart of gold. She will have your back no matter what because she knows what it’s like to be with someone who was heartless.
7. She loves differently.
I don’t think she is able to love the same way as she once did. And that is totally okay. She knows pain emotionally and physically. She never wants to put someone through what she did. She’ll go out of her way for you because she knows what it is like to be left behind.
She will go above and beyond for you. She will do everything in her control to not great you as she was treated. She will just want you to show her that she matters. Past experiences have made her feel the complete opposite.
8. She’s difficult but worth it.
She’s not difficult because she wants to hurt you or play games. She is difficult because she knows what it’s like to be kicked down so she has her heart guarded. She doesn’t want anyone to experience any pain.
She will love you more than any other woman. She doesn’t want to hurt anyone and will only want to make you happy. Trust me, she is worth it and you deserve it. You’ve both been through your share of hurt and pain. She may be difficult, but there’s no one else like her.
Don’t lose her. You’ll regret it. You’ll want her back. It’ll end up being the worst decision you ever make. She’ll drive you crazy and she’ll love you even more.