For my own sanity, I can no longer try to get what I can’t have. It is obvious you and I are not meant to be. There will never be a white picket fence or all day cuddle sessions for us. I have to let go of the idea in my head that there will be a me and you.
With that being said, you will always have a piece of me, even if I never have a piece of you. You will always be the person who first made me believe in the idea of love, and for that I am beyond thankful.
For you, there are other things that are more important than me and things you want that I cannot give you. I have cried to all of my friends wondering why I can’t; but I have stopped wondering. I no longer question why we aren’t together. I will never have my answer, and I will only make myself insane if I continue to seek one.
It doesn’t matter how strong I felt, or how sure I was that this was it because it just wasn’t meant to be. I have accepted the fact that I was wrong. I have no regrets; at least I know I tried my hardest, and while people may think I was absolutely insane for trying for so long; I only feel bad that they haven’t wanted someone so badly; they were willing to do the same. To me, you were worth it.
I am not saying that I am giving up on you because I will never give up on you. I am only saying I am letting go of an idea that only one of us had. I do not harbor any bad feelings or wish any harm on you. I don’t want to belittle you or speak badly about you. I can’t blame you; you feel the way you feel.
And no matter how many times you upset me or showed me there was a possibility for us, only to then take it away from me; I will always be on your side and stand by you. I will always want more for you and want you to reach your greatest potential. I see more in you than you do in yourself, and I hope one day you can see yourself the way I see you.
I hope that you achieve everything you want and receive all the happiness you deserve.
I still haven’t quite figured out how to get used to the idea of no longer having you in my life and I know it’s going to suck, but the hardest part is over. I have accepted what I can no longer deny, and it only took more than a few years (at least nobody can say I’m not persistent).
I try not to focus on the fact that my future will be without you, but focus on one day at a time. It helps to picture a puppy cuddling with me in my future bed.
I do want to apologize for the annoying amount of times I friended and de-friended you on social media and for some of my book-length texts I sent; it’s pretty embarrassing.
Side Note: I want to thank all the friends and family who listened to me ramble on and on and went through this with me. I know how bothersome I was, and I can’t imagine the amount of times you guys wished you knew how to sleep with your eyes opened. You are all truly amazing. Also, shout out to Drake; his songs were on repeat almost every night.